Autumn and Everything After
by emerald-soco
Summary: Sequel to Dusk and Summer. Brooke and Nathan had a good season, but when school starts and familiar faces return, can they keep their love alive? COMPLETE!
1. Like You, Like An Arsonist

Ok, so this is the sequel to Dusk and Summer … I guess you don't have to read that first, but it would probably help. I'm taking all of the episode titles from Season 3, which works with my timeline, but probably almost none of the actual plotlines. Please excuse anything that doesn't really fit in with the show's storyline, I stopped watching it a long, long time ago. And as always, **please review**! Enjoy!

**Like You, Like an Arsonist**

Summer was over.

Technically, there were still a few weeks of the sun-soaked season left. The weather was still warm, the sky still blue long past dinner time. School wasn't in session yet and tourists continued to explore the small-town charm of Tree Hill.

Despite all that, Brooke knew that summer was ending. And with it, her relationship with Nathan.

Not that it could really even be called a relationship, she told herself. Could getting drunk and sleeping together really lay a strong foundation for something more? Did fighting and making up again and again actually constitute a meaningful bond?

If you were sleeping with a married man, could you actually fall in love with him?

The answer to that one, if her broken heart was any indication, was 'yes' with a capital Y. But she didn't want to think about that right now. Instead, she shifted under the sheets, leaning on her elbow to take one last look at what she was leaving behind.

Nathan sleeping could be her favorite thing, she mused. He looked like such a little boy, with his brown hair all mussed and his expression one of utter tranquility. He sprawled out like a child too, laying claim to the entire mattress, forcing her to snuggle up under one arm or sleep on the floor. She chose the former every time.

She really had to get out of there.

Brooke held her breath as she inched and squirmed her way out of the bed. She was grateful they'd chosen to spend their last night together at his place – it may have been his home with another woman, but it made her escape all the more simple. Just find her shoes and slip out the door. By the time he opened his eyes, she'd be far away.

She paused again with one hand on the doorknob. She could look back, couldn't she? She deserved that, at least. Nathan had already readjusted in his sleep, stretching his limbs over the empty space she'd left. If only it were as easy as he made it seem.

"Bye, Nate," she whispered, telling herself it was stupid, that if she woke him it'd be even harder. A tiny part of her wanted him to jump out of bed, call her name, beg her not to go. _How did you think I wouldn't notice?_ he'd say. _I feel it when you're gone._

_How romantic_, the more rational side of her brain mocked. _ And the he'd call Haley and divorce her over the phone, right? And the two of you would live happily ever after._

No. Happily ever after with Nathan wasn't in the cards for Brooke. When she'd given herself one more night, she'd done it with the clear intention that she would walk away without looking back. And here she was, twenty seconds into it and already second-guessing.

Without giving herself another moment to hesitate, Brooke walked out of Nathan's house and out of his life.

XXX

She made it all the way back to Karen's before the tears overcame her. Although it was early, the sun just beginning to peek out of the horizon, Karen was already in the kitchen, rummaging through a drawer. A griddle on the stove sizzled as pancake batter spread into circles and Brookes, sniffling, could smell bacon.

"Brooke." Karen looked surprised – to see her so early, or to see her coming from the front door instead of her bedroom, Brooke didn't know. "What are you … oh, honey. What's the matter?"

"It's … it's over." She hoped she didn't look as miserable as she felt, but she had a sneaking suspicion it was worse. "I ended it. With Nathan."

"Oh, Brooke." To Karen's credit, the first words out of her mouth weren't "I told you so". She wrapped her arms around the younger girl's shoulders and led her to a chair. "Here, sit down, let me get you some breakfast. How'd he take it?"

A new wave of misery swept over her. "He doesn't know yet."

Karen arched her eyebrows. "Honey, it can't be over if he doesn't even know."

"I told him last night that it was the end." She accepted the plate Karen slid in front of her, but made no move to pick up her fork. "I gave him – I gave _myself_ – one last night and then I left."

"I see." Even though, obviously, she didn't. Maybe it was just her age showing, but in her experience, a girl couldn't break up with a boy without him even _knowing _about it. "So, what now? Nathan's going to wake up, see that you're not there, and just … take the hint? Because I seem to recall him being quite persistent when it comes to talking to you."

Brooke was quiet. It was a comforting thought, that Nathan would be unable to take no for an answer, that he would pursue her relentlessly. But no. Hadn't he told her, just last night, that he wouldn't always be there waiting when she turned around? Hadn't she told herself, a million times, that it was for the best that way?

"I think he'll understand," she finally replied. "He knows … he knows where I stand. And I know he still has feelings for Haley. He'll know it's for the best."

"You sound like you're trying to convince yourself," Karen said, as gently as possible.

As a female, Karen knew that she was saying all the right things. As a woman, she understood that there was something real between Brooke and Nathan, something that deserved to be explored. But as a mother, she was failing her son terribly. What kind of person encouraged their son's ex-girlfriend to date his brother?

She just hated to see Brooke so desperately unhappy. Brooke, who was always smiling, winking, giggling. Brooke, who could laugh off her parents' utter abandonment of her and crack jokes about their bankruptcy.

She was the only girl who had ever made Lucas smile so that his eyes shined, too.

Knowing that, Karen hastened to continue before Brooke could respond. "I'm not saying I think you and Nathan should be together. I think you made a very mature decision. But I just hope your heart is listening to your head because if those two don't agree … well, it can get messy."

Brooke nodded slowly, absorbing the advice. "I know. And they do. Agree, I mean. My heart hates it, of course, but … I know. It has to be this way."

Of course, she thought to herself as Karen nodded and went about fixing her own meal, that didn't mean she had to like it.

XXX

Lucas was exhausted.

Physically, well, it was understandable. His entire summer had been one long, draining blur of morning drills and afternoon practice, early evening runs and late night workout sessions. Half the time, he'd been afraid his heart would stop; the other half, he'd almost wanted it to just so he could score a five minute break.

It had all been worth it, though. He felt like he was finally at the top of his game. Not to mention the fact that his coach had volunteered to write college recommendations for whoever survived the program. His time at High Flyers may actually have been the "key to his future", just as their brochure had promised.

And mentally, well, that was another story altogether. Throughout the long weeks of training, the day-in, day-out tedium of sheer exhaustion, his mind had been racing as well. He kept going over and over the good-byes he'd shared with Brooke and Peyton.

He hadn't meant to tell Brooke how he felt. Sure, he'd thought about it a hundred times since she'd moved in with him, but he hadn't actually wanted to say it out loud. Brooke, he knew, scared easily. But looking at her, seeing how freaked out she was by all the Peyton stuff … he'd just had to. He wanted her to know, while he away, that he was still thinking about her, caring for her.

Her reaction, or lack thereof, had worried him, but not to the extreme. She had reason not to trust him, after all, and maybe some time away would do them both some good. It would give her time to sort through her feelings without feeling like he was pressuring her.

On his way out of town, he'd stopped – on a whim – at Peyton's. She was heading off, too, for a road trip with her dad, and he'd just wanted to wish her well. Her eyes had seemed to shine brighter that day, and she'd actually been the one to hug him, instead of vice versa.

"_I'm really going to miss you, Luke," Peyton whispered, holding him tightly, as if she wanted to imprint his body on hers. _

_"Aw, come on," he laughed, teasing her. "Who are you kidding? You're gonna have your dad by your side, the wind in your hair … punk rock on the radio. You're not gonna miss anything."_

_She shook her head vehemently. "Not true. I'll … I just …"_

_"Hey, hey." Frowning, he bent at the knees, trying to catch her gaze. "Peyton. What's wrong?"_

_"Nothing." Her lips were pressed in a straight line, which he knew meant she was holding back tears. "I just … God, this is such bad timing. Here we are, about to say good-bye for the next three months, and I …"_

_"What? You what?"_

_"I love you." Once she'd said it, she raised her eyes to his, gauging his reaction. "I know we agreed to just be friends, and I know my timing sucks, but … a lot of people in my life have left me without a proper good-bye. So, now that I'm the one doing the leaving, I just want you to know … how much you mean to me."_

_"Oh, Peyton." He pulled her closer, ran a hand down her curls. "You mean a lot to me, too. I care about you so much."_

_She pulled back. "But you don't _love_ me?"_

_Lucas hesitated. "I … I don't know how –"_

_"Peyton?" Her father, calling from the driveway, where the engine was already running. "You ready to hit the road?"_

_"You know what?" Peyton pressed a finger to his lips. "Don't say anything. If you don't love me, I don't really want to hear the rejection right now. And if you do … tell me in three months."_

A car honked, pulling Lucas out of his musings, and he gave an apologetic wave as he registered that the light had turned green and he was free to go. Putting his foot back on the gas, he drove for another mile or so before passing the "Welcome to Tree Hill" sign.

With a smile, Lucas pressed down slightly harder on the accelerator. He was home.


	2. From the Edge of the Deep Green Sea

**From the Edge of the Deep Green Sea**

Stepping off the bus, Haley set her suitcase down, looked around, and weighed her options.

She could call Nathan. God knew that she wanted to. She could think of no better homecoming than his arms wrapping around her, his lips touching hers. But she wasn't sure if it would go exactly as she was imagining, considering she hadn't talked to him in three months.

It wasn't that she'd forgotten about him. Just the opposite, in fact. Not a day had gone by that she hadn't thought of him, worried about how he was getting along without her. But he'd been so cold when she left, so … detached. At first, she'd wanted to give him some time to cool down, and then things had gotten so hectic and there was just never a good time. Besides, what would she have said? "Hi, honey, how are you doing since I abandoned you? How's life in the small town you're stuck in?"

Maybe she could just call a cab.

Haley grinned. That was it. She'd call a cab, get dropped off at their apartment, and surprise him. It was – she checked her watch – still early. Unless Nathan had changed drastically in the past few weeks, he would definitely still be sleeping. She could even cook him breakfast.

She didn't let herself think about the idea that he might be less than welcoming. Sure, he had been angry when she left, who wouldn't be? But he'd probably missed her just as much as she'd missed him. He was going to be so excited to see her again, he might even forget that they'd left things on such bad terms. Plus, she was going to dedicate herself one hundred percent to him now that she was back for the school year. She would be a regular Stepford wife to make up for all their lost time.

The cab pulled to a stop and the driver turned around to look at her. "Thirteen dollars, ma'am."

Haley handed over a twenty. "Keep the change." It was one of the upsides to her summertime tour – she had lots of cash and even more stashed away in savings. Her private account, not the one she shared with Nathan, but she intended to join the two as soon as she got the chance. "Thank you."

Standing on the sidewalk and staring up at their apartment, she took a deep breath. _This is going to be easy_, she told herself. _Everything is going to be fine._

Her key turned easily, which came as somewhat of a relief. He hadn't changed the locks on her or anything. She stepped in and paused to look around. The place looked exactly the same. His shoes were kicked off in the hall, as usual, and there was a pile of dirty dishes in the sink. The television, muted, was an ESPN replay of a basketball game. But there was her book on the chair, right where she'd left it, page marked by a Post-It. And her slippers, which she'd forgotten, tucked under the coffee table where she'd last toed them off.

Haley smiled. It was like she'd never left.

She wanted to make him breakfast – would he prefer French toast or waffles? – but first, she just needed to see him. Leaving her luggage in the doorway, she hung her coat on the hook next to his varsity jacket and tiptoed down the hall to their bedroom. Quietly, so as not to disturb him, she pushed the door open … and there he was, same as ever.

Nathan sleeping could be her favorite thing, Haley mused. He looked like such a little boy, with his brown hair all mussed and his expression one of utter tranquility. He sprawled out like a child too, laying claim to the entire mattress, forcing her to snuggle up under one arm or sleep on the floor. She chose the former every time.

"Hi, Nate," she whispered – not to wake him, just because she wanted to say his name out loud. She told herself she should get into the kitchen if she wanted to be ready for when he woke up. But she stayed, frozen in place, unable to tear her eyes off the man she was lucky enough to call her husband.

She really would dedicate herself to being his wife now, Haley decided. He'd put up with her musical inhibitions, even been supportive, up until the breaking point. He deserved to have her full attention for awhile. Starting now.

_Forget breakfast,_ a little voice coached her. _Just climb in and get some sleep. He'll wake up with you in his arms and probably forget he was ever mad in the first place._

Haley hesitated. It was tempting. It had been so long since she'd fallen asleep in Nathan's arms. Wouldn't this be even better than making him some dumb meal? And it would show him that she was here to stay.

Decision made, Haley came fully into the room and slowly, carefully, slid herself onto the bed. Nathan shifted in his sleep, making enough room for her to crawl under his arm and snuggle up against his warm body. He mumbled something – _Miss you_, maybe? – and pulled her closer.

Haley gave a long sigh of contentment. She was home.

XXX

"I miss you."

Brooke smiled. "I know."

Nathan knew he was dreaming. It wasn't hard to tell. Dream-Brooke was … softer than the real thing. Her edges blurred where Brooke's were sharp; she caressed where Brooke would cut. Still, he allowed himself to stay asleep, enjoying the chance to talk with a gentler version of the girl he knew.

"So why did you have to leave?" he asked, taking on a casual tone. As if she'd gone on vacation instead of abandoning him.

Dream-Brooke wasn't any more fooled by his act than the real Brooke would have been. "You know why, Nathan. I had to go."

"I could come with you," he offered. He was trying to negotiate with a figment of his imagination. It was obviously a cry for help. "We could go somewhere else, be together."

"Sure." She grinned, and the way her teeth flashed made her seem just like herself. "Let's do that. Let's run away. I'll tell your wife, you tell your brother."

"We don't have to say anything," he started to argue, but stopped himself.

It didn't help. Even in his dreams, Brooke knew what he was going to say before he said it. "And we don't need friends or college degrees or sunshine and water, right, Nate?" Her laughter was short and loud, a smack in the face. He could almost feel the sting. Apparently, she was more like the real thing than he thought. "We don't need anything but each other."

"You always do this," he said angrily. "It's not fair. Why do you always get to be the one who walks away?"

"Because you won't." And now she was gentle again, the back of her hand brushing gently down his cheek. "I'm doing it for both of us, Nathan. So we can both be …"

"Happy?" He laughed at that. "I'm not happy. You're not happy."

"We will be." Her fingers stilled at his lips, tapped the bottom one gently. "You'll see. Give it time. Things will go back to normal. Promise."

"Wait, Brooke, I –" It was too late. She disappeared, leaving him alone. Again. "I miss you," he repeated, but faintly this time. He already knew she couldn't hear him.

XXX

Nathan woke up still clinging to vestiges of his dream; Brooke's scent, her hand on his cheek. He still felt warm where her skin had touched his.

Actually…

Actually, there _was_ skin touching his. Nathan's eyelids fluttered, struggling to open fully, as he reached up with one hand and clutched the fingers that rested on his cheek. "Oh, good," he murmured, as relief poured through him. "You're here."

"I'm here." The voice, though not Brooke's, was entirely familiar. "And there's no place else I'd rather be."

Nathan's eyes snapped open at that.

"_Haley_?"

His wife smiled at him, seemingly unaware that he was beyond freaked out. "Surprise!"

"I'd say so." Was he going crazy? Could this still be a dream? "What are you … what _time_ is it?"

Haley leaned over him to check the alarm clock, her long hair (longer, now, it had been months, for God's sake) brushing against his bare chest. "Uh, not even eight yet. Why? Do you have an appointment or something?"

"No, no, I just –" He stopped talking and just glanced around the room, at a loss. Where was Brooke? They'd fallen asleep together last night, he knew they had. "Did you … when did you get back?"

"Just a few minutes ago. I was going to cook you breakfast but then I saw you sleeping and I just couldn't resist laying down for a bit. It's been a long couple months."

"Yeah … yeah, it definitely has." It had been a _lifetime_, or so it felt. Suddenly uncomfortable with her play at domesticity, he slid out of the bed, grabbing the first shirt he could get his hands on. "Uh, how've you been? How's … how's the tour?"

Haley frowned and sat up a little, propping herself on her elbow. "The tour was great. Chris thinks I have a real shot of making it big someday."

"Chris." Nathan half-chuckled, half-groaned the name. "Oh, good, well, as long as Chris says so."

"Nathan." She stood up, trying to make them eye level. He avoided her gaze. "You're not still upset about that, right? I told you, it was one kiss. It meant _nothing_."

"Right, right, of course not. And the leaving me for three months on a bus with him, that meant nothing, too, I'm sure." He knew he had no right to be snippy – hell, two hours ago, he'd been the one with someone else in his bed. But he was distracted with trying to figure out where Brooke had gone. "Listen. Hales, I'm sorry. It's not you, it's just … I didn't get a lot of sleep. And I didn't expect to even see you here. I'm thrown off, that's all."

"It's okay." Smiling again, she rose on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around his neck and greet him properly. "It's been awhile, I know. I'm sorry I was gone so long. I'm going to make it up to you, I swear."

"No, you don't have to make up for anything." Now he just felt guilty. She may have kissed another guy before taking off, but he'd been with Brooke all summer – had fought to stay with her even when she reminded him that he had a wife. "How 'bout we just have breakfast, okay? We can talk."

"Okay, talking's good … I guess." He couldn't blame her from looking a bit apprehensive as she trailed him from the bedroom to the kitchen. "So, how was your summer, Nate?"

"My summer was …" His mind flipped from adjective to adjective, trying to find something appropriate. "It was different. You know, with no one here and all. Not much going in good old Tree Hill."

He cringed even as he said the words. He could see Brooke in his mind's-eye, giving him that smirk that always made him want to kiss her even more, saying, _Liar, liar, Nathan._ Worse, he could picture her staring at him dejectedly, shoulders slumped as she asked, _Why couldn't you just tell her the truth?_

"But enough about me," he said, changing the subject to one he wanted to hear about even less. "How's life on the road, rock star?"

Haley's eyes lit up in a way he hadn't seen in a long time. "It was amazing, Nathan, just incredible. The first performance was …"

Nathan took a seat and tried to pay attention to everything she was telling him, but his mind kept drifting back to the girl he'd hoped to wake up with.


	3. First Day on a Brand New Planet

**First Day on a Brand New Planet**

Brooke was stepping out of the shower when she heard a noise at the front door and a familiar male voice call out, "Mom? Brooke? Anyone home?"

She froze. She'd known that she was going to have to face him; she wasn't an idiot. But she wasn't at all prepared. How could she look him in the eyes now, recall the earnest declaration of his feelings, and not remember the way his brother looked expressing the same sentiments?

"Lucas!" She heard Karen in the hallway, rushing to greet her son as though he'd been gone for years. "Oh, I've missed you so much! How was camp? Come in, sit down, tell me everything."

His laughter floated through the air, reaching Brooke's ears, and she half-smiled as she thought about how good it had always felt to be the one making him laugh. "Jeez, Mom, did you miss me? Camp was great; the Coach really thinks I have a shot at going pro one day."

Grateful that catching up with Karen would keep him occupied, Brooke eased open the bathroom door and tiptoed down to her room. At her closet, she plucked the first thing she touched off its hanger, then paused when she realized it was the halter top she'd worn that first night with Nathan.

Brooke shook her head and put it back. She was about to go face Lucas for the first time in months. She didn't need any reminders on her of how different things were. Changing into a denim skirt and a bright yellow top, she pulled her wet hair into a ponytail and gave herself one last look in the mirror.

"Be cool," she instructed her reflection. "Everything is totally normal."

"Lucas," she greeted him, hoping her smile was wide enough. He stood to receive her, capturing her in his arms and pulling her close. She turned her head into his shoulder, glad it was one more minute she didn't have to meet his eyes. "How are you? How was your summer?"

"My summer was amazing," Lucas replied, stepping back and grinning at her. "God, Brooke, you look … different. What changed?"

She fidgeted, bringing one hand up to tug anxiously at her hair. "Well, I did get a killer tan," she said lamely, hating herself for the lie. "But that's about it. Nothing new here."

"Huh. I guess I just missed you, then." His eyes sparkled at her and she remembered a time when that one glance alone would have been enough to get her through the day. "Did you miss me?"

Karen, watching them reunite, glanced down at that; turning her attention instead to the tabletop. Brooke shot a nervous look at the older woman, then her eyes came back to Lucas. "Of course," she told him. "Life in Tree Hill just … wasn't the same without you."

She wasn't lying, she comforted herself when his smile widened and he hugged her yet again. Her life had done a complete 180 without Lucas in the picture. She was just leaving out the fact that she might have liked it better that way.

What he didn't know couldn't hurt him, she decided. But it might just kill her.

XXX

"Brooke! What are you doing here?"

Brooke shifted her weight from one foot to the other, oddly nervous. "I hope you don't mind, I just … Lucas is back and I wanted to give him and Karen some time to reconnect, you know?"

"Lucas is back?" Peyton grabbed her friend's hand and pulled her into the house. "How does he look? Did he say anything … well, how was his summer?"

"It was great, I guess." Brooke's eyebrows drew together at the blonde's show of enthusiasm. "He said he learned a lot, worked hard, blah blah blah. Not exactly my idea of a fun time, but hey, to each his own."

"Oh, Brooke." Grinning, Peyton pulled her into an embrace. "I _missed_ you these past few months. Don't get me wrong, having my dad around was _great_, but … I missed this place. What did you _do_, all by yourself all this time?"

Brooke shrugged. "I wasn't entirely alone. I mean, Nathan was around some of the time …"

"Yeah, I bet he was a huge help," Peyton said sarcastically. "How miserable was he that Haley left? Awful, right?"

"He, uh, he definitely had his moments." Her mind flashed back to him dumping her at the courts, then skipped ahead to the penance that had followed. "But it wasn't all bad."

"_I want you," Nathan confessed, his brown eyes darker and more intense than she'd ever seen them. "And not like in the beginning, for the fun and the sex and all that, I want … all of you. The quiet you that hides on the roof and the sad you that tries to act all big and tough and the … unbearably sweet you that just has to smile to make me feel like myself again."_

"Hello?" Laughing, Peyton waved a hand in front of Brooke's blank face. "Earth to Davis."

"Oh. Sorry." Blinking, Brooke shook herself back to reality. "You were saying?"

Peyton studied her; hazel eyes puzzled. "Where _were_ you just then? You looked like you were on another planet."

Brooke thought again of Nathan's confession, of the time they'd spent together just last night. She remembered, in one big jumble, every kiss they'd shared since that night at the beach party. "I think I was." Then she forced the images out of her mind and pasted a smile on her face. "So tell me all about this road trip, best friend. Did you pull the old "flat tire" trick to meet a cute guy?"

"I was with my _dad_, Brooke," Peyton groaned, shaking her head.

Brooke shrugged. "Wouldn't have stopped me."

"What would?" Peyton joked back, and the two girls' laughed together.

"You know, P. Sawyer," Brooke said thoughtfully, once their giggles had faded. "I'm really glad you're back. I missed you this summer. Actually … I missed you way before this summer."

Peyton nodded quietly. "I know what you mean. Let's never let a guy come between us again, okay? No matter what happens with Lucas … or any other guy."

"Agreed." Brooke held her fist out for bumping and Peyton obliged. "Hoes over bros?"

"Hoes over bros."

XXX

"Hey, you."

Nathan actually jumped a little at Haley's sudden approach, which made her crack up. "Big, bad Nathan Scott scared of little ol' me?" she teased, stretching up to press a kiss to his cheek. "What's up? You looked a million miles away."

He shrugged, ill at ease with her ostentatious signs of affection. "I was just thinking." He hoped she left it at that, since he'd really been scanning the hallway for any sign of Brooke. It was their first day back at school and he'd yet to lay eyes on her. "How was homeroom?"

"Uneventful." Haley bit back a sigh. For the past two days, Nathan had been keeping himself at such a distance. He made conversation, he asked all the right questions, but his mind always seemed to be on other things. Not to mention the fact that he'd been sleeping on his side, with his back to her, ever since she got home. "How's your day going so far?"

"Oh, you know," he replied vaguely. "New year, same stuff."

"Yeah." She waited for him to elaborate, but no such luck. On impulse, she said, "Hey, Nate, how 'bout we go out somewhere tonight? Get out of the apartment for bit, see how a change of scenery feels."

"A change of scenery." Nathan thought of Brooke, flipping her back, flashing her dimples. "Sounds good to me."

"Great!" Haley said happily. "It's a date!"

Relieved that he'd agreed, she leaned again to kiss him, this time grabbing onto his hand as well. They still fit, she noted mentally of their fingers. That was a good sign. They could definitely work this out.

XXX

Brooke was so concentrated on not running into Nathan that she didn't even notice Lucas sliding into step with her until he opened his mouth. "So, you've been avoiding me."

With a gasp, she stopped dead in her tracks to put one hand on her fluttering heart. "Jesus, Luke, make a noise. You just took ten years of my life."

"Sorry." He grinned at her, which would have once made her heart beat all the faster. "I was just curious if it was something I'd done or … not done or … well, those are the only options, really, so you tell me."

"I haven't …" She laughed, put off by his directness. "I haven't been avoiding you. You've only been home forty-eight hours."

"About forty-seven of which you managed to spend conveniently away from the house," he pointed out.

"Lucas, really, I've just been busy. I had to buy a new wardrobe – and, on this little budget that your mother instilled, it was a challenge, let me tell you – and organize the back-to-school party and it's just been –"

She came to a stop again. Straight ahead, directly in her line of vision, was not just Nathan, but Nathan _and_ Haley. Together. Looking every inch the couple with their hands joined and Haley stretching to lay her lips on Nathan's cheek.

"It's just been what?" Lucas prompted, clueless as to where her attention was focused.

_Snap out of it, _she told herself. _You're giving yourself away. And, hello, he's _married_. Did you really expect anything but this?_

"Crazy." Brooke shook her head to clear it, forcing her lips upward as she tore her gaze from one Scott to another. "It's been crazy. But on the bright side, the party is this Friday and it's going to be _fabulous_."

"Ah, I see." Lucas gave her one of his looks, the kind she recognized as flirtatious. "I don't suppose you'll be needing an escort to this party?"

"You know what?" She cocked her head to the side and turned her dimples on full force. "I'd love one. Do you know of any who might be available?"

"I can probably find a guy." Pleased, Lucas bent and kissed her cheek lightning-quick. Before she could react, he backed away. "I've gotta get to class. I'll talk to you later."

Stunned, Brooke took a moment to recover herself. When she looked up again, she found Nathan's gaze locked on her, his expression a mixture of hurt and anger. She made herself keep up the eye contact until he turned away and wrapped his arm around Haley's waist, then she sighed.

What had she gotten herself into?


	4. An Attempt to Tip the Scales

**An Attempt to Tip the Scales**

Deliberately turning his back to Brooke didn't help. Now, not only could he not see what she and Lucas were doing, but he could also feel her gaze boring holes in the back of his head. He slid his arm around Haley's waist, trying to maneuver a glance over her shoulder, but it was too late; he'd lost them in the crowd.

The bell rang then, startling him, and he pulled away from Haley, his arm dropping to his side. "Looks like we're late," he remarked, as the last remaining students scurried into their classrooms.

Haley nodded, studying him. He seemed so preoccupied. "I should go. I'll see you at home?"

"Home." He thought of the apartment they shared and realized it no longer felt like home to him. He also realized how guilty that thought should have made him feel, but didn't. After all, Haley had been the first to leave. Could she really blame him if things had changed in her absence? "Sure. See you there."

Thirty seconds later, he entered his Spanish class and was immediately pinned down by Signor Robertson's irritated gaze. "Mr. Scott," the teacher said, arching an eyebrow at the clock. "So glad you could join us."

"Happy to be here," he replied shortly, sending the class into a fit of giggles.

"Okay, then." Signor knew how to choose his battles. "Let's continue, class. This year is …"

"Psst, Nathan."

He stared straight ahead at the blank blackboard, pretending not to hear Lucas' whisper. If he looked at his brother right now, he might actually have to go throw up. Two minutes ago, Lucas' lips had touched Brooke's cheek while, two days ago, it had been Nathan kissing her, hugging her, touching her. It wasn't fair that Luke could just roll back into town and pick up right where he left off.

And for that matter, where did Haley get her nerve? She had _literally_ walked out on him when he'd made it clear he wanted her to stay. Didn't that count as some kind of betrayal, too? Why had he spent half his summer making himself (and Brooke) miserable out of respect for his wife, when she hadn't given him a thought before taking off? And now she was back and he was supposed to be so overcome with joy that he didn't remember how it felt to have her turn her back on him?

"_Nathan_." Lucas' whisper was more urgent now and he couldn't ignore it any longer. He turned halfway in his seat, meeting his brother's eyes for the first time since everything had changed. "Man, I feel like I haven't seen you in forever. How was your summer?"

It was weird to think that Lucas was completely unaware of what had gone down this summer. It made Nathan uncomfortable that he couldn't tell his brother, whom he'd just started to become close with, how much had happened.

"Pretty standard," he replied back, careful to keep his voice low enough so as not to disrupt the vocabulary lesson. "How'd basketball go?"

"Great. Never thought I'd say it, but I missed this place." Lucas grinned at him companionably, seeming to forget that Nathan hadn't gone anywhere all summer. "Hey, I saw you and Haley in the hall earlier."

"Yeah, I saw you and Brooke." It took a conscious effort to not growl the sentence.

Lucas nodded. "We're talking, which is good. How about you and Hales? You guys looked okay."

"We're …" He couldn't find the right words to describe it, so he switched gears. "She's happy to be back."

"Mister Scott." Signor Robertson seemed to have lost patience with Nathan's inability to pay attention. This wasn't a good sign, considering it was only the first day of school. "Can you tell me the Spanish word for 'detention'?"

In response, Nathan merely sighed and laid his head down on his desk. He didn't seem to have the right words for anything these days.

XXX

"Well, if it isn't my friend, the rock star," Peyton greeted, swinging her messenger bag onto the cafeteria table before taking the empty seat next to Haley. "Shouldn't you be surrounded by a legion of fans?"

Haley giggled. "I think that's reserved for rock stars who have actually gotten radio play," she informed the blonde, then reached out to hug her. "God, I missed you, Peyton! How was the trip with your dad?"

"The best," she replied, beaming. "I finally felt like we were a real family again, you know? Even though it was just the two of us."

"Aw, Peyton, that's great." Haley smiled warmly, but then the look faded. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Shoot."

"Well, I know your dad left you alone a lot of the time, you know, for work and all. And I know you hated it, obviously. But when he came back, were you … were you happy? Or were you still mad at him for going in the first place?"

Peyton thought about it. "I wouldn't say I was ever _mad_. I understood that it was his job to go. It just … sucks, being ditched like that, you know? When the one person you depend on has to leave, even just for a little while, you feel like you're all alone in the world. It could be pretty depressing."

Haley nodded, staring down at her uneaten sandwich. "I was afraid you'd say that."

"Why?" Peyton leaned in closer as she realized her friend was close to tears. "Oh, Hales, what's wrong?"

"I think I might have made a big mistake when I went on the road," Haley confessed, drawing in a shaky breath. "I'm afraid Nathan might hate me now. He's just been so … so distant."

"Oh, Haley. Nathan could never hate you," Peyton assured her. "He's probably just … readjusting, you know? I mean, you were gone all summer. He must have gotten kind of used to it. And he might be nervous that you're, you know, gonna go back on tour again. He doesn't want to go through that twice."

"You're probably right." Sniffling, Haley nodded and straightened her shoulders. "I just have to make him understand that I'm back for good."

XXX

"Can I talk to you for a second?"

Nathan gave Brooke exactly one second to think about the various ways she could turn him down, then grabbed her arm and yanked her into an empty classroom. "Ow, Nathan!" she cried out, though not loudly enough to attract attention from their fellow students. "What is your _deal_?"

"Where have you _been_ for the past two days?" He'd been seething all day; ever since spotting her and Lucas together. First she snuck out on him while he was sleeping, then she became harder to track down than a freakin' spy, and now she was kissing someone else? It wasn't going to fly with him. "I tried calling you a hundred times."

She knew. Every time she'd seen 'N' dance across the screen, she'd had to fight back a fresh onslaught of tears until she'd finally gotten the good sense to turn her phone off. "I broke my cell," she told him stiffly.

"Bullshit," he tossed out. Her head snapped up and her mouth opened to defend her story, but he waved her off. "Don't bother, Brooke, I know when you're lying. I've got twenty bucks that says your phone's in your bag right now – in perfect condition."

She would have argued, but she knew he'd also demand the proof, which she couldn't provide considering he was right. "Fine, then." She shrugged. "I just didn't want to talk to you. Is that better?"

"That's even more bullshit," he countered. "You're dying to talk to me. You want to know when Haley got back, and what she and I have talked about and whether I still mean everything I said to you this summer."

Brooke scoffed and looked away, but not before Nathan saw the pain flash in her hazel eyes.

"I do, you know," he said, softer now, stepping closer. "Still mean what I said."

"Oh, will you _please_ just shut up?" Brooke exclaimed, using both her hands and all her might to shove him away. "Stop talking to me, Nathan. Stop calling me. God, take the hint already! I. Can't. See. You. Anymore."

"Well, I can't _not_ see you," he argued. It stung that she'd pushed him, but honestly, he was glad to have her hands on him again in any context. "Brooke, please, there has to be a way we can sort all of this out."

"Oh, really? What do you suggest, Dr. Phil?" She laughed, cruelly, and hoped she wasn't as close to crying as she felt. If she broke down in front of him, if she fell apart like that, there would be no recovering. "We both know your stance on ending your marriage. It wouldn't be _right_ to hurt Haley that way. So, what, you want me to be your mistress? Is that it? We'll' meet at cheap motels and use fake names and when I call you, I'll hang up after the first ring so you know it's me. Is _that_ what you're looking for here?"

"No!" He was almost yelling, so Nathan forced himself to count to ten before continuing. "Of course not, Brooke. I don't – I would never ask you do anything like that. I just can't stand to see you hanging out with Lucas, acting like he's your Prince Charming all over again."

"Maybe he is." There were tears brimming in her eyes when she raised her head to meet his gaze. "He's with me, isn't he? And you're not."

"Brooke. Don't cry, Brooke, please don't cry." Had he ever wanted to anything as much as he wanted to hold her in his arms right now? "Okay, listen, stop, we can work this out. We can fix this."

"You're _married, _Nathan," she told him, stressing the word. Her throat was scratchy; clogged with tears that she refused to let fall. "We can't fix that. God. Who even gets married when they're sixteen, anyway? If she was just a girlfriend, if this was me six months ago, I'd have no problem pushing her aside. But she's your _wife._ And my friend. And it's just not fair."

Nathan was silent for a long moment. Outside, they could hear the chatter of classmates as they filtered into the nearby cafeteria, comparing summer stories and sunburns. "Brooke, I just … I just don't think I can go all year like this," he confessed. "It's the first day and I'm already on edge. I hated seeing Lucas kiss you. I could barely talk to him in class without punching him in the face. It's ridiculous, I know, and I have no right to be jealous, but … I am."

She stared at him. "You can't do this to me, Nathan."

"I'm not _doing_ anything," he protested instantly, even though he knew he kind of was.

"No, no, no." She shook her head at him, added a wagging finger, and could he help it if it made him want to kiss her all the more? She looked like a school teacher – a very hot school teacher, the kind that inspired spitball throwing and note passing just to score a detention - scolding a child. "You are. And it's not right. I'm going to go through every day watching you and Haley act like the married couple you are. And it's going to suck royally. So if I decide to get back together with Lucas, you don't get to pull the sad puppy dog act, okay?"

Nathan grinned.

"What?" Nervous now, Brooke glanced behind her, then back at him. "Why are you smiling like that? Nathan? Hello?"

"You said 'if'," he informed her, and his arms were around her waist before either of them knew what he was doing. "_If_ you get back together with Lucas. Which means you have doubts."

"Of course I have doubts, you idiot." She rolled her eyes, but made no attempt to move out of his arms. "I'm not really sure it'd be fair to lead Luke on like that."

"Well, for the record –" He'd lowered his voice and his lips were hovering just inches from hers. Brooke fought to keep her breathing steady. "I vote that you don't go near him."

When his mouth found hers, Brooke was hard-pressed to disagree.


	5. A Multitude of Casualties

**A Multitude of Casualties**

It was wrong, wrong, wrong.

Brooke knew, even as she rose to her tiptoes and threaded her arms around his neck for better leverage, that they were doing something awful. But his tongue was dancing with hers and his hand was at her waist, curved over her hip bone, and she wanted this one mistake to last forever.

It couldn't, of course. The bell signaling the end of lunch rang out shrilly and they jumped apart, startled at the interruption. Brooke took a second to smooth her hair, unwrinkled her clothes, and then she risked a glance in his direction.

"We can't do this," she said matter-of-factly.

He just stared, as if he didn't even see her, as if he was in some kind of trance. Brooke snapped her fingers. "Hello? Nate. We can't do this again. Do you get it?"

"Yeah." Nathan shook his head and backed away from her. "Yeah, you're right. I get it."

She knew it was stupid, but she felt crushingly disappointed that after all his arguing, he would give in so quickly. "Okay, then," she said quietly, brushing a stray lock of hair out of her face. "I guess I'll see you around."

"Yeah. See you," he echoed, and then he was out of the room like a shot.

Brooke remained calm for about twenty seconds before sadness overwhelmed her. Numb, she slid into one of the desks and buried her face in her hands. How could she have let herself kiss him again? Just this morning, she'd seen how well his arm fit around Haley's waist. It was strange to think of the other girl curling into his embrace, telling herself how well they fit together. Wasn't that what Brooke always thought?

"Oh!" She was crying so hard that she hadn't heard anyone enter the room, but the startled exclamation grabbed her attention. "Wow, Brooke, I'm sorry, I didn't think … well, you're not in this class, are you?"

She stared at Mouth, hardly comprehending his words. "What? No. Sorry, I was just … I was …" She couldn't think of a single reason that would explain why she was bawling her eyes out in an empty classroom on the first day of school. "I'm an idiot. I'm sorry. I'll just … go."

"Brooke, wait." Mouth reached out, but didn't grab her arm, just touched her gently, the tips of his fingers grazing her shirt. Like he needed permission to be her friend. "Are you … okay?"

"Yeah." With the fresh tear-stains on her cheeks, she knew it was a less than convincing response, but she tried valiantly to smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. No big deal."

"Because … I saw Nathan running out of here." Mouth looked uncertain, not to mention uncomfortable. "And he looked kind of weird, too. I just … if you need to talk. I'm here."

"Oh, Mouth." Brooke stepped towards him, her expression pained. "You can't tell anyone, okay? Please, do you promise? We were … we were arguing, but it's over now. It's over."

He gave her a shy half-smile. "Saying it again won't make it any more true, Brooke."

"Shut up," she told him, but she chuckled. "This is so stupid. _I_ am so stupid. I never should've … but it was summer, and it was just the two of us, and, God, he's got this look that just makes you feel like you're the only person on the planet. You know?"

"Can't say that I do," Mouth said dryly.

She laughed again, a little longer this time. "Oh, God. I'm sorry. I should go clean myself up before the bell rings. Um, if you could just … I know Lucas is your friend, but I promise I'm not going to do anything to hurt him … or I'm trying not to, at least, so –"

"Go," Mouth urged, waving her on. "You don't have to worry about me. Nickname or no nickname, I know how to keep a secret."

"Do you know how to forget you ever had one?" she asked him, then shook her head. "Not your problem. Sorry – again. Mouth … thank you. So much."

He nodded, then waited until she'd disappeared down the hall to blow out a breath. Whatever he'd just witnessed, he had a sinking feeling it wasn't nearly as over as she seemed to hope.

XXX

If Nathan had thought he was on edge before, it was nothing compared to how he felt now. His pulse was racing, his heart thumping, every inch of his skin seemed to buzz with energy. There was a storm cloud in his brown eyes that had a path clearing as he made his way down the hall.

Kissing Brooke _still_ felt right. Touching her felt like coming home. And he couldn't even properly enjoy the feeling because he was too distracted by the guilt that tugged at his heart.

But wife or no wife, being alone with Brooke had been the best thing about his day. Even arguing, even when she glared at him like she was trying to incinerate him with just her eyes and hurled insults like they were pieces of fine china, she made him feel … alive.

"Whoa, Nathan, man, you do _not _look happy," Tim commented when Nathan slammed his way into the locker room at the end of the day. "Are the rumors true?"

Nathan swiveled on his friend, barking out, "_What_ rumors?"

"Jeez, man, calm down." Tim backed away, more than a little threatened by the dark look in Nathan's eyes. "Just that Haley's back. Some girls were talking about it in my history class."

Simultaneously relieved that his secret was safe and disappointed that he didn't have a neutral party to confide in, Nathan backed off. "Oh. Yeah. She got back a few days ago."

"So you guys probably had like, tons of reunion sex, right?" Tim waggled his eyebrows lewdly. "How was it? Hot, right?"

Nathan shoved his friend away, disgusted by his crudeness. "Grow up, Tim. It wasn't like that?"

Unperturbed, Tim pressed on. "Wait, what are you saying? You _didn't_ have sex?"

"Not that it's _any_ of your business," Nathan growled, "But if it'll get you to go away, then, no, we didn't."

"Dude." He waited a beat. "Why not?"

"_Because, _Tim, not all of us require getting ass twenty-four/seven to get us through the day," Nathan snapped. Inwardly, he scoffed at himself. Hadn't there been a time when he'd been considered the school's biggest player? Wasn't he, even now, thinking of one girl while married to another? Had he really changed at all?

"Whatever you say, Nate." Tim, apparently, was also not convinced. "I'm just saying, if you're not sleeping with you wife … something is definitely wrong."

Nathan couldn't argue with that.

XXX

Lucas ducked his head as he made his way to the parking lot, digging in his backpack for his keys. The first day of school was always long but today had seemed especially so. He thought maybe it was because he hadn't seen Brooke since early that morning, but then again, it could also have something to do with the careful eye Whitey had kept on him during basketball practice.

Could Whitey suspect that something was off? Had the Coach at High Flyers contacted him; warned him that one of his players was in danger of dropping dead if he worked too hard? Or was he just being paranoid?

"Lucas. Hey." Peyton straightened up from where she'd been leaning against the hood of his car. "Um, how are you?"

"Peyton." He was surprised to find her waiting for him. "I'm … good. How was your summer?"

She tugged on one blonde curl, wrapping it around and around her pinky. "It was good. Me, my dad, and the radio. Kind of perfect, actually."

"I'm glad you guys got to do that." He smiled, but it didn't ease the tension that simmered between them. "Do you need a ride, or …?"

"I've been waiting for you," she blurted out, then pressed her lips together. "I mean. Not now – well, yeah, obviously, just now but … since I got back. I've been waiting. I kind of thought … I thought maybe you'd come find me."

Lucas nodded and glanced away. "Yeah, I'm sorry, I've just been … you know, settling back in. It's been a long time."

She knew instantly that he wasn't talking about the three months they'd spent apart. He meant it had been a long time since he'd loved her, since he would've been willing to play his part in the fantasy reunion she'd laid out for them. "I guess," she managed to concede, past the lump in her throat. "So, things have … changed, then?"

Why did she seem so surprised by that fact? Hadn't that always been the their problem? Things changed so fast neither of them could keep up. He loved her, she didn't love him, he loved her best friend, she loved him. They just couldn't get it together.

"I think I'm …" He stopped, started over. "All summer, I thought about what you said before you left. And, don't get me wrong, I'm … flattered that you wanted to try again with me, but I think … it's probably for the best if we don't go down that road again."

Peyton pursed her lips, nodding slowly. "I see."

"It's not that I don't care about you," he rushed on, "Because I do, obviously. God, Peyton, you know how much you mean to me. It's just … I told Brooke, before I left, that I wanted to start over between us and … I don't want to hurt her again. I don't think any of us could stand to go through a repeat of last year."

Funny, because she had _dreamed_ all summer of going back to how things were between them last year. They would do it better this time, of that she was sure. She would pull Brooke aside and discuss things maturely, they wouldn't have to hide anything this time around. He could ask her to prom and she could say yes and things would be perfect.

Peyton shook her head and he watched the sun catch her curls, making them shine. "I see," she said again, although she didn't, couldn't possibly. "Well. That's great, then. For you two. Do you … are you, like, together now?"

He had no idea. "We're … working on it." His mind flashed back to their scene in the hallway; how distracted she'd claimed to be lately. It was understandable, though. He couldn't blame her for having her guard up after what he'd done last time. "I think it's going to take some time. But, listen, Peyton, you … you mean the world to me. Really, you –"

"Don't." She held a hand up, as if to ward off anything else he might throw at her. "You really don't have to do that. I'm fine. I mean, I just thought … I thought you and me – well. It's not a big deal. Really."

Lucas watched her carefully, unsure of how to proceed. "You sure? I can drive you home, if you want. I've got time."

"No." Peyton squared her shoulders. "No, I'm good. I'll be … fine. Lucas?"

His ears perked up at the urgent tone, he finally met her eyes. "Yeah?"

"I'm sorry," she told him honestly. "For not being … ready, when you were. I'm sorry I didn't understand, last year, what you were always trying to tell me."

"Hey." He moved his shoulder – just one, so that the gesture seemed careless, but she knew what he meant. "The past is past, right?"

"Yeah." She sort of chuckled, briefly, mirthlessly. "And timing's everything. I should … go."

He watched her walk away, her words echoing in his mind. _Timing's everything_. Brooke's face flashed through his head, the tiny smile she'd given him earlier, the way she'd held herself slightly away from him.

He hoped he wasn't too late.


	6. Locked Hearts and Hand Grenades

-1**Locked Hearts and Hand Grenades**

It had been two days since Brooke had last seen Nathan and she thought she might be losing her mind.

Everywhere she went - school, Karen's Cafe, the mall, the beach - she saw him. A little girl riding piggyback on a pair of shoulders just as broad and strong as his; a customer offering her tip with the same long fingers and steady hands; the flash of his smile in every leading man in the movies she'd been watching to distract herself.

"Hey."

"Jesus!" Startled, she glanced up from the countertop she'd been wiping down and battled back disappointment when she was met with blue eyes instead of brown. "Lucas. Sorry. I guess I spaced out."

"I'll say." Amused, he slid into the seat in front of her and began toying with the salt and pepper shakers. "So how's life as a blue-collar worker treating you?"

"Not bad," she answered truthfully. Over the summer, she'd come to actually enjoy the time she spent waitressing at the Cafe. The work wasn't hard, the people were generally nice, and it gave her a certain satisfaction to count her tips at the end of the night and know she'd earned every cent. "I seem to have a knack for it."

"Who would've thought?" Lucas teased, the edges of his lips quirking upwards. "Brooke Davis, slaving from nine to five like the rest of us."

"You know, I actually like working here," she told him, and could hear the irritation in her own voice. "I mean, I'm good at it."

He glanced down. "I never said you weren't."

"Sorry." Brooke let out a long sigh. "I'm sorry for snapping. I'm just ... stressed, I guess."

He smiled again. "It's okay. Hey, just think, tomorrow night you'll get to relax." She looked at him blankly. "Your party? Our date? You ... don't remember."

"No! No, no, I totally do," she hurried to assure him. It wasn't that she'd forgotten so much as she'd pushed it out of her mind entirely. She wasn't exactly looking forward to the festivities. She'd organized it to keep herself busy, but really, spending a whole night drinking warm beer while Nathan and Haley snuggled by the fire wasn't exactly her idea of a good time. "Can't wait, actually."

"Good." Lucas looked relieved. "Hey, Brooke, listen, I know ... well, this isn't really the place. Can you take a quick break?"

She glanced around for any reason not to, but the Cafe was in the middle of its afternoon lull and her one other customer was happily digging into his meal. "Sure," she said, none too enthusiastically. "We can go to the kitchen."

"Not here," Lucas vetoed a few minutes later, casting a nervous glance at the cook. He took her arm and led her through the back door, out into the alley. "Much better."

_Nathan silenced her the only way he knew how – fusing his lips to hers and pouring all the words he couldn't say into the kiss. It still felt right to be in his arms, to be kissing him, and she hated him for that._

"Brooke?" Lucas peered at her questioningly. "You still with me?"

She grimaced at his unwittingly loaded question. "Yeah," she forced out, massaging her temples. "Yeah, I'm still with you."

"Good." He looked nervous. "I just wanted to touch base with you about ... well, where we stand, I guess. I know you agreed to go to the party with me, but the past couple days, I feel like you've been so ... distant. Are you still worried about me not being for real?"

This was it. He was giving her an easy out; where she could just say "yes, sorry, but it's you, not me," and go on her way. But where would that leave her? Alone. And who was to say that, once she'd put Nathan out of her mind once and for all, she wouldn't remember all the feelings she'd once had for Lucas? It could happen.

"I guess I have had my guard up," she admitted, carefully avoiding the reason why. "I'm sorry, I know ... I know you meant what you said. I just don't want to move too fast."

"Which I totally get," Lucas hurried to put in. "But we're not moving at all."

"I know." She drew in a breath. "I'm sorry. I'm gonna try, okay? Really."

"Yeah?" He looked hopeful. "You sure?"

"I'm sure." To seal the deal, she pressed a quick kiss to his cheek, then backed away. "I've gotta get back to work, okay? I'll see you later."

Hurrying inside, she didn't look back. She already knew she wouldn't like what she would see: the wrong boy waiting for her to turn around.

XXX

"Nathan?" Haley approached her husband cautiously, not wanting to overwhelm him with what she was about to say. "Hey, Nate?"

"Hmm?" He hardly stirred from his spot on the couch, but his eyes fluttered open. "What's up?"

"I'm sorry, were you napping?" She glanced at the clock. "It's barely seven."

"Sorry." Sitting up, he yawned, stretched. "It was a long practice."

He didn't add that he'd been awake half the night, because that would lead to him having to explain that every time he closed his eyes, he saw Brooke. He simply muted the basketball game he'd fallen asleep to (UNC was still losing, no surprise this season) and quirked an eyebrow at her. "Did you need something?"

"Um." With his eyes now focused on her, she flushed. "I was just thinking, earlier today, about our wedding day. Remember?"

"Of course." Did she really think it had been so long that he wouldn't? He wasn't the one who'd lost track of all the promises they'd made to each other. "What about it?"

"It's just that ..." She sighed, closed her eyes, then opened them and started again. "That was such a good day, you know? The best, really. Just you and me and our whole future in front of us."

Nathan had no idea why she was dragging all of this up, but he had a sinking feeling it wasn't going to lead anywhere good. "Yeah. It was good. We were happy."

His use of the past tense threatened to crush her nerve. "Right. Exactly. But we were the only ones who got to experience it, you know? It only exists in our memories."

"And the pictures," he pointed out, gesturing to the album they kept displayed on the coffee table. A thin layer of dust covered it - she hadn't yet gotten around to cleaning up his three months' worth of a renewed bachelor-esque lifestyle.

"Right." Haley glanced at the album, then brought her eyes back to his face. "But I think our friends should have been involved. And our families, of course. It'd be a chance for everyone to get together and take part in it, you know? It's such a special day."

"Well, we can't exactly go back in time and change the way we did things, Hales." Although, if they'd been able to, Nathan had a list about a mile long of things he would have done different. "It was still a good day, regardless of who was there. It still meant the same things."

"But I just think it would be more ... I don't know, _real_," she stressed. "If people were there. I had this idea, the other day, that maybe we could redo our vows."

He froze. "What?"

"You know. Renew our vows. Have another ceremony. Let everyone know that we're committed to each other - _fully_. Forever." On impulse, Haley reached out and grasped his hands. "I just feel so guilty for leaving this summer, Nathan. I hadn't thought everything through when I got on the bus. I want to ... not start over, exactly, but I want another chance to tell the world how much you mean to me."

Nathan didn't look too keen on the idea. "I don't know, Haley," he hedged. "It'd be a lot of work, you know, and we're both so busy."

"We could get someone to plan it," Haley suggested. "All we'd have to do is show up and say our lines. Nathan. I want to do this for you - for _us_. To prove how serious we are about this."

She drew in a deep breath. "I made a mistake, when I left. And I'd like to make it up to you. If you'll let me."

Nathan fell quiet. Could he give her this? How did you go about granting forgiveness for someone else's mistake when you'd made an even worse one and weren't sorry about it? How would he be able to stand in front of all their friends - in front of Brooke - and profess to feel an undying love he wasn't sure he felt?


	7. Champagne For My Real Friends

-1**Champagne For My Real Friends**

"Brooke!"

"Haley!" Her response was more surprised than enthusiastic, but Tutor Girl didn't seem to notice the difference. "Welcome back."

The smile the girl flashed was dazzling and Brooke chided herself for hating her. After all, it wasn't Haley who had done anything wrong this summer. She wasn't the one who'd been sleeping with another women's husband.

"Thanks!" Haley replied, enveloping her in a hug that felt more like fingers wrapping around her throat. "So I'm really excited for your beach party tonight, I've heard it's gonna be great."

"Pretty standard, really," Brooke shrugged, glancing around the setup as she spoke. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary - a bonfire pit, a circle of lawn chairs, a few speakers scattered across the sand. An impressive number of kegs had been secured, but they wouldn't be put out until dusk. "The usual high school social scene."

"Yeah, but every party you throw is always such a hit," Haley said wistfully. Brooke tried not to notice that she was twisting her wedding band anxiously around her finger, but it was hard to ignore the shiny reminder that she had everything Brooke wanted. "Hey, can I ask you a favor?"

Brooke shrugged. "Sure." It was the least she could do, right? "What's up?"

"Well, Nathan and I were talking." Already, alarm bells were ringing in Brooke's head. "And we decided we want to renew our vows which, of course, means we need to organize some kind of ceremony. And we - well, okay, I - was hoping that maybe you could plan it for us. What do you think?"

What did she _think_? She thought there was a better chance her shaving her head and becoming a Buddhist. Or Peyton showing up to school in something pink and sparkly. Or - anything, really. There was no way in hell she was planning the renewal of Nathan and Haley's wedding vows.

"Oh, Haley." She chuckled mirthlessly, even though the joke was on her. "I don't think so. I mean, throwing parties isn't the same as planning a huge event like that, you know? I wouldn't know where to begin."

"It doesn't have to be huge," Haley protested. "In fact, I was thinking something small, intimate ... just our family and close friends. Casual, but elegant. Come on, Brooke, you know you can do it. I know Lucas didn't plan that engagement party last year all by himself."

"Yeah, that was totally me, but -"

"No 'buts'." For someone who had once been so timid, Haley was certainly pushing the issue now. Brooke fought the insane urge to punch her. "I won't take no for an answer, Brooke. I want someone who knows us to do it and you're perfect for the job."

Brooke couldn't form a coherent thought, much less a sentence to argue the ludicrousness of that statement. "I - I'm not -"

"Okay, I'm begging you." Haley clasped her hands in front of her chest so earnestly that it made Brooke sick. "It would mean so much to Nathan and I. This is really important to us."

_Nathan and I. Important to us. _There it was, what Brooke kept trying to make herself forget. Nathan was one half of a couple, he had a whole married life that consisted of married language like "we" and "us". And Brooke had nothing to do with any of it.

Except for this one thing. If she couldn't be with Nathan, she could at least play this small role in his happiness. She could give him a day to share with all the people he loved; to celebrate the homecoming of the girl he'd married.

"Okay," she finally relented. "I'll do it."

As Haley's smiled widened, Brooke could feel the crack in her heart do the same.

XXX

Nathan arrived late to the back-to-school beach party and when he did finally get there, it was only because Haley was dragging him. He'd tried to weasel his way out of it, but Haley hadn't bought his claim of a sudden and serious illness. So here they were, trudging across the sand to join their drunken peers.

"I want to find Brooke real quick," Haley told him, shouting to be heard over the music. "And then I've got some great news for you."

He barely heard her. He had already spotted Brooke at the center of a small crowd; all of whom were male; all of whom were whooping loudly as she knelt to chug from their funnel. "Great," he muttered. It was clear she was drunk enough without the added encouragement of frat guys looking to score. "Hales, why don't you go find Luke and I'll -"

"Right here." Lucas appeared next to them, slinging his arm casually around Haley's shoulders. "Hi, stranger. Listen, I'm sorry we're not gonna get to spend any time together tonight, but as you can see, my girlfriend's in need of a little sober assistance, so -"

"Girlfriend?" Haley interrupted, beaming up at her best friend. "I didn't know you and Brooke had gotten back together again."

"Well, it's not official yet, but we're ... talking," Lucas smiled.

Nathan suddenly had the urgent need to get drunk. Or at least to get away from this conversation. "Hey, you know what, I'm not feeling up to partying, anyway," he broke in, hoping his tone was casual. Inside, he was seething. Brooke and Lucas, together again? "So why don't I drive Brooke home and you and Haley can have some time to catch up?"

"Are you sure you don't mind?" Lucas asked, after exchanging a look with Haley. "Brooke can be kind of a handful when she's drunk."

_Don't I know it_, Nathan scoffed inwardly. "It's cool. I can handle it. Go, have fun, enjoy the party. I'll take care of Brooke."

XXX

It would be easier said than done. Nathan approached casually, hands stuck in pockets, eyes scanning the horizon beyond, but Brooke knew immediately what he was there to do.

"Come to tuck me in?" she sneered at him, reaching for the beer one of her fans was offering.

Nathan intercepted the hand-off and set the can down on the sand. "Or at least drive you home," he said calmly. "Isn't it time you called it a night?"

"It's still early," she shot back defiantly. "Besides, I'm celebrating."

"Celebrating what?" He couldn't help himself. "Your reunion with Lucas?"

"Nope. Yours with Haley. You know, the ceremony she asked me to _plan_." Brooke sneered at him. "Whose brilliant idea was that, Nate? Was it some kind of joke to you?"

From somewhere at the very back of her brain, where she was still sober, Brooke knew she was spewing all kinds of hatred that she should've been keeping to herself. She'd really thought she could handle Haley's favor maturely, but five drinks later she'd realized she wasn't even close to ready to take such a huge leap.

"Haley asked you to plan our vow renewals?" Nathan's eyes nearly bugged out of his head. Without another word, he grabbed Brooke's wrist and dragged her away from the crowd. "Brooke, are you serious?"

"As a heart attack," she said coldly.

"I never even agreed to do that!" he exclaimed, bewildered. "I told her I'd think about it. I don't - I just don't see why she would go behind my back like that."

"Because she loves you." Brooke's tone was hard, but her eyes were wet and wide, pools of misery he thought he might drown in. "Don't you get it, Nathan? She would do anything to make up for hurting you. She really loves you."

"I know, but I - I -" Nathan stuttered. He couldn't say he didn't love her, because that wasn't really true. He definitely couldn't argue how she felt about him. Where did that leave him and Brooke?

She seemed to know what he was thinking. "Exactly," she said, and he wondered how she could make that one word sound synonymous with 'defeat'. "So, thanks for the offer, but I'll find another ride home. You should go be with her."

"Brooke!" he called out as she started away from him. She turned back, the moonlight spilling over her skin, casting her in a soft glow of light that made seem almost like a figment of his imagination. He lifted his hands helplessly, unsure of what else to say. "Are you sure you're going to be okay?"

A million emotions flashed through her eyes, but she blinked before he could decipher any of them. "I'll be fine," she assured him, but she was far enough away that her voice sounded faint, and neither of them were convinced.


	8. The Worst Day Since Yesterday

-1**The Worst Day Since Yesterday**

Brooke woke up with a hangover unlike any she'd ever experienced before.

It wasn't that her head hurt, although the temples were definitely throbbing. It wasn't that her mouth was dry or that her ankle still stung from how it had twisted as she stumbled to her door last night. It was nausea, plain and simple, the bile already gathered in her throat when her awoke, the room tilting when she tried to stand and rush to the bathroom.

Feeling her way along the wall, she managed to make it in the nick of time, squeezing her eyes shut and trying to block out the sound of her own retching. After a solid ten minutes, she staggered back into the bedroom and fell onto her mattress.

"Oh, my God," she groaned out loud, reaching to drag her pillow closer. "I'm _dead._"

"Well, not clinically," an amused voice said from her doorway. "But you look like hell."

"Lucas?" On a normal day, she would have been horrified to have him witnessing this, but she felt too queasy to work up any embarrassment. "I _feel_ like hell. What _happened_ last night?"

"I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you had a few drinks." Stepping further into the room, he held out two bottles - one a cold Poland Springs and the other Tylenol. "This should help."

Brooke rolled onto her back, then struggled into a sitting position to gratefully accept his offerings. "You're my hero. Seriously. Name your price, it's yours. My car, my house, hell, I'll throw in my firstborn."

"Just the guarantee that you'll never hit the bottle that hard again will suffice," he assured her, taking a seat on the bed but carefully keeping some space between them. "It's not a pretty picture."

"Oh, God." With another groan, she hid her face in her hands, then peered out between two spread fingers. "Was I awful?"

"Well, I didn't actually see you at the beach," Lucas admitted. "I was catching up with Haley. Mouth gave you a ride back here, but he didn't mention anything too bad. Just said you couldn't keep your balance."

Nathan's image flashed through her mind, him scooping her into his arms that first night on the beach, and Brooke cringed. "Story of my life."

"Huh?"

"Nothing." Another wave of nausea swamped her and she pushed past him towards the bathroom. "I'm sorry, I feel -"

"Sick," he finished for her, wincing at the sounds that traveled through the door she slammed closed. "Listen, Brooke, I'm supposed to meet the guys down at the rivercourt for some basketball, but if you want me to, I can stay. I make a mean chicken noodle soup."

Another long, hacking cough, the flush of the toilet, then the door clicked open. Lucas had never seen Brooke look so small. The color was gone from her face, her eyes were large and shadowed. The man's shirt she had slept in hung off her frame and swallowed her shape completely. "Hey," he said, reaching out to finger the material. "Where'd you get this? It's not your usual style of sleepwear."

"Huh? Oh." Brooke looked down, hoping he wouldn't notice the flush crawling up her neck. The shirt was Nathan's, of course. She didn't even remember slipping it on last night, but it made sense. She'd taken to wearing it whenever the sense of missing him became overwhelming. "It's ... my dad's. You know, it reminds me of him when he's always gone. It's stupid."

"No, it's not." Lucas' fingers grazed across her cheek gently. "It's really sweet."

"Thanks." Guilt - or possibly more bile - made her throat constrict. "Listen, you go ahead to the courts, okay? Have fun. I don't think I could even smell soup at this point."

"Are you sure?" He bent at the knees to meet her gaze. "I could just sit with you, read you some trashy romance novels."

Brooke smiled, but barely. Lucas was doing everything right, he had all the moves that girls only _dreamed_ their boyfriends had, but she just couldn't bring herself to reciprocate. "You're too good to me. But, really, I think I'll just try and sleep it off. Go on. _Go_."

"Okay." Reluctantly, he started to back out of the room. "Feel better."

"I'll try." She watched him go, wishing she knew how to even _begin_ taking his advice.

XXX

Monday morning came and Brooke's hangover still lingered, no longer anything she could blame on too much alcohol or too little self-control.

"Must be a bug," Lucas relayed to Karen as they shared a quiet breakfast and tried to pretend they couldn't hear Brooke retching through the paper-thin walls.

"Must be." Karen's brows furrowed over her coffee mug, but she said nothing else.

"She's staying home today, I'm pretty sure," he said a few minutes later, more to drown out the unpleasant sounds than anything else. "I'll grab her homework for her. Do you think you can check in on her during your lunch hour?"

Karen nodded slowly before getting up and going to the counter, busying herself with the dishes. "Of course. I'll let you know if anything changes."

"Thanks, Mom. You're the best." He pressed a quick kiss to her cheek. "If she doesn't get over it in a few more days, think she should see a doctor?"

"I'll talk to her about it," Karen promised. "Just get going, okay, you don't want to be late."

Lucas gathered his things, stuck his head into Brooke's room to bid her goodbye, then went on his way. At the counter, Karen stood and waited, silently counting off ten whole minutes before very deliberately setting down her dish rag and drying her hands.

"Brooke?" She knocked once, to be polite, then let herself in. The bed was empty, so she settled down on the edge of it to wait. A few minutes later, the bathroom door opened and Brooke all but crawled back under the covers. "You still feel pretty bad, honey?"

"I feel _horrible_," Brooke moaned. All weekend, the nausea had hardly let up - she wasn't able to keep down even the driest toast - and her stomach was constantly in rebellion. She couldn't help but wonder if this was some kind of karmic payback for her relationship with Nathan. "I'm sick of being sick. I'd prefer _school _over this."

"Oh, honey." With a deep sigh, Karen reached out to rub the girl's back, her maternal instincts kicking in. "Do you have a temperature? Cough, chills, anything?"

"No." She shook her head vehemently - almost with too much force, as another bout of dizziness hit her. "Ugh. No, just the vomiting. _Constantly_. I'm going to be skinny enough to be a movie star if I keep going at this rate."

"Do you feel worse in the early morning?" Karen persisted, careful not to change her tone.

Brooke thought back over the past few days, frowning. "I guess so. Yeah. At like, four o'clock I'm _starving_ and I'm convinced I can eat something, but ... that hasn't worked out yet. But in the morning, I can't even _think_ about food."

"I see." Karen debated inwardly with herself. It wasn't her business, not really, and yet ... it was. It was her son's heart hanging in the balance, a girl she considered her own daughter staring at her with sleep-deprived, black-circled eyes. Neither of them knew and it wasn't fair that she had to be the one to say it. "Brooke ..."

"What?" Peering at her curiously, Brooke struggled into a sitting position. "Karen, what is it?"

Karen sighed. "Do you think there's a chance you could be ... pregnant?"

Brooke gaped at her, horrified. "Oh, my God, no. No, Nathan and I ... we aren't stupid, we _weren't_ stupid."

"These things can still happen, Brooke. All the signs are there." She looked away from Brooke's stricken gaze, then back. "Come on. I'll help you get dressed, I'll take you to the doctor. We'll have a test done, okay?"

"Karen." Brooke stopped clutching the bed covers to grab at the older woman's wrist. "What if ... what if you're right? If I am? What do I ... what am I supposed to do?"

Karen leaned in to hug the girl close. "Oh, Brooke," she murmured into her hair. "Let's just wait and see, okay?"


	9. How A Resurrection Really Feels

-1**How A Resurrection Really Feels**

"Lucas, you're moving so slow I think _I_ could beat you in a footrace." Whitey paused, and the entire basketball team pretended not to be waiting for the rest of his reprimand. "And I'm old, son."

Tim tittered, turning to Nathan to see if he was as amused. "Man, your brother really is dragging today. Can you believe this is the guy who beat you out for High Flyers?"

"Yeah, must've been a mixup in the paperwork," Nathan murmured, keeping one eye on the other Scott. Whitey and Tim were right - Lucas definitely seemed to be struggling to keep pace with the rest off the team. The question was, why?

Whitey's whistle blew again, signaling for everyone to begin the next drill, and Nathan forced himself to shove Lucas to the back of his brain. He needed to focus - he'd been having his own string of bad practices lately, only he knew exactly what was distracting him. Brooke had been MIA since her beach party last week and the rumor mill was buzzing. How could he be expected to perform well when he had no idea where she was or what she was doing?

In the locker room, Tim approached again. "So, Nate, what are you doing Friday night? I could really use your help, there's this chick I'm into and she's _obviously _into me, but she's got this friend and I need a wingman.

"Tim." Nathan paused, then just shook his head. "There aren't enough wingmen in the world."

"Hey, man, not cool," was the protest. "You know, I think I liked you better when you got all married and uptight."

"Yeah." He stood up, eyeing Lucas as the other boy moved towards the exit. "I hear you. Catch you later, man."

"Wait, we -"

Nathan stopped listening. If there was one thing he didn't need, it was _Tim_ lecturing him on what a mistake his marriage had been. Like he hadn't heard enough of that from his parents, his peers ... hell, even himself lately. What he _did_ need to do was catch up with his brother and find out where the hell Brooke had been for the past few days. The not knowing was driving him crazy.

"Hey, Lucas, man, wait up," he called out when they'd both hit the parking lot. "You okay, dude? You didn't look so hot today at practice."

"I know, I sucked," he admitted with a shrug. He looked away, then continued, "I'm probably just coming down with whatever it is Brooke has."

Jackpot. Careful to keep it casual, Nathan asked, "What's Brooke have?"

"Some kind of virus or something like that." Lucas shrugged again, lifting one hand to shade his eyes from the afternoon sun. "She hasn't gotten out of bed all week."

"What kind of virus?" Hearing the panic in his own voice, he told himself to calm down. People got sick all the time and missed a few days of school. Just because it was Brooke, just because he'd never seen her so much as sniffle in the twelve years they'd shared classes, didn't mean his heart should be racing right now. "I mean, do you think it's contagious or something?"

"Must be, if I'm struggling as much as you think I am." Lucas clapped his shoulder. "At least I have sickness as an excuse, though. You just suck."

"Yeah, yeah, I'll work on it," Nathan grumbled, still too concerned to be offended. "Tell Brooke I hope she feels better."

"Tell her yourself," Lucas advised as he climbed into his car. "I've gotta cover her shift at the Cafe. She'd probably love the company, though."

"I'll see if I can stop by," he replied, waiting until Lucas had driven away before hurrying to his own car to do just that.

XXX

At first, Brooke thought she was hallucinating the sound of the doorbell ringing continuously, but when it was joined by a forceful knocking, she realized there might actually be someone on the steps. Dragging her aching body from bed, she made her way to the door, grumbling the whole time. "I hear you, I hear you. God, some of us have headaches."

She swung the door open and froze. "Nathan. What are you doing here?"

"Lucas asked me to check on you." Telling himself it wasn't much of a lie, Nathan stepped neatly over the threshold, making her back up a few feet. "You look awful."

"You're sweet," she said sarcastically, wishing desperately that she'd climbed into the shower this morning - or at least run a comb through her hair. She didn't even want to _think_ about how horrendous she must look. "But as you can see, I'm still breathing, so feel free to let yourself out."

With that, she turned her back on him, intent on shuffling back to the bedroom and burying herself alive beneath her blankets. Of course, Nathan followed.

"Nathan, I'm trying to get some sleep, here, okay? Seriously." Her signature glare lost a bit of its killing power in a coughing fit that had her doubling over.

"Whoa." Brows furrowed, Nathan closed the distance between them, laying one hand between her shoulder blades. "Brooke, you really don't sound good. Have you been to a doctor?"

She laughed like someone who knew the punchline to a joke that she wasn't about to share. "Yes, I've been to a few."

Something in her tone had him sinking down onto the mattress beside her, bracing himself for the worst. "What did they say? This isn't - this isn't really serious, is it?"

"No, God, no. Just your regular old flu, with the added bonus of a sinus infection and the worst migraine in the history of migraines. At first, I thought ..."

She stopped abruptly, which made him sit up a little straighter. Brooke never censored herself. "Thought what?"

Her eyes slid towards the wall. "I thought it was just a hangover, but you know, it stuck around too long to be that."

"Brooke." She wouldn't look at him. "Brooke, I know that's not what you were going to say. I know when you're lying. You can tell me, whatever it is."

It wasn't like she even _wanted _to tell him. She didn't want to watch the fear flash through his eyes, didn't think she could stand it when he inevitably edged away from her and stuttered out excuses. But she'd kept it to herself all week and she just wanted to say it out loud, somehow make it real.

"I thought I was pregnant." The announcement, although made quietly, hung in the air between them. "I mean, I'm not. Don't worry. And at first I really _did_ think it was a hangover, but then Karen said it might be -"

"Karen?" he interrupted. "Karen knew?"

Brooke shrugged, a little uneasily. "She's a mom. I think they always know. She took me to the doctor and ... I'm not."

"And you didn't think, not even once, that it might be nice to tell me about all of this?" Nathan's voice was tightly controlled, the calm before the storm. "Or maybe I wouldn't have even been the father, is that it?"

Her hand connected with his cheek before either of them saw it moving. Immediately, a red mark began to form. "Get out," Brooke ordered, trembling. "I'm serious, Nathan. I can't believe you could even say that to me - that you could even _think _it! When have I ever given you any impression other than the fact that I'm totally, completely, stupidly in love with you? Get out of this house and stay away from me."

"Brooke, I'm sorry -" he began, just as horrified at his words as she was.

"No. I mean it this time. I don't deserve that. I'm the one who has to watch, every day, while you hold hands with your wife and pretend everything's normal. So even if I _had_ slept with someone else - which would never happen - I would be completely justified."

"I didn't mean -" he tried again.

"We're not together, Nathan." Brooke shoved herself to her feet in a burst of anger-induced energy, making her way to the front door. "You need to leave."

"No, you need to listen to me." He was practically begging at this point, but he didn't care. He wanted her to know that he hadn't meant it, that he'd only been angry and scared and stupid. "Brooke, I ... I love you. You know that. You know that I want to be with you."

"No, I know that you _can't_ be with me," she responded. Her eyes were hard, her face carefully blank. "So let's not waste anymore of our time. Leave."

"Brooke ..."

"Now."

Because he couldn't take his words back, and he couldn't seem to find the right ones, he did as he was told.


	10. Brave New World

-1Hi guys! I just wanted to thank everyone for all the reviews so far, I'm glad people are liking the story! Also, I'm sorry, but no, Brooke isn't pregnant. I wanted the possibility to add some drama, but I've already done a Brooke-gets-pregnant story (shameless plug: read Stop All the World Now!) so it probably won't happen this time around. Hope you still enjoy!

**Brave New World**

"How do you feel?"

For the first time in nearly a week, Brooke had woken up without dizziness immediately overwhelming her. She was currently seated at the breakfast table, eating dry cereal under Karen and Lucas' watchful supervision.

"I feel ..." She considered telling the truth. She felt empty. She felt like her heart had been hollowed out and thrown in a blender. She felt like nothing in the world was fair and she felt like she missed Nathan so much it was an actual, physical ache. "I feel okay. Definitely better."

The answer seemed to satisfy Lucas, but Karen kept her careful gaze on the girl. "Are you sure, honey?" she asked gently. "It was a pretty rough week. No one would blame you if you wanted an extra day to rest."

Brooke wondered how she'd ever thought she could get along just fine without a mother. Over the past week, Karen had been the one to drive her to the doctor, to hold her hand as they waited, to hug her close when she found out she wasn't pregnant and she'd nearly collapsed from all the stress. She had even comforted her after Nathan's departure the other day, when she'd gotten home from the Cafe to find Brooke sobbing broken-heartedly.

"No, I want to get back to school," she said now, smiling gratefully at the woman. "I need to."

Karen still looked hesitant, but she let the matter drop. Lucas, oblivious to the undertones in their conversation, scraped back his chair. "Well, we should get going," he announced. "Brooke, you with me?"

She forced her lips upward, standing to join him. "I'm with you."

They made the drive mostly in silence, Brooke gazing out the window as Lucas concentrated on the road ahead of them. Maybe it was just that she'd been cooped up in bed for a whole week, but she thought the whole world looked different, like everything had been shifted one inch to the side while she was sleeping.

She promised herself she was going to change with it. No more pining over Nathan, no more torturing herself with thoughts of what could have been. She needed to move on. Summer was over and so were they. And the first thing she needed to do was devote herself to making things work with Lucas. No more stalling or holding herself at arm's distance. She had loved him once and she could again.

Thinking that, she snuck a glance at his profile. It wasn't like _he'd _changed all that much. He still had the same sturdy look to him, the honest poet's eyes. He was a composite of nearly every teen girl's fantasy. And he was kind, so kind - transgressions with best friends aside. And he wanted to be with her. What more could she ask for?

"What are you looking at?" Lucas asked, one corner of his lips lifting as he caught her staring.

"My boyfriend," she told him, watching as his smile became a full-fledged grin. "You got a problem with that?"

"Not in the least," he replied, reaching for her hand as they pulled into the parking lot. "So, what do you think? You ready to do this?"

He was talking about returning to school, but Brooke couldn't help but give his words extra meaning. Was she ready to be with him, to turn her back on all the hopes she'd had for herself and Nathan? "You know me," she answered, injecting just the right amount of cheer into her voice. "I was born ready."

XXX

There was no way this was going to go well.

Brooke fidgeted on the porch outside of Nathan and Haley's apartment, trying not to think of the last time she'd been here. Maybe they wouldn't be home. Maybe she could just leave the stupid playbook in the mailbox and that would be the end of it.

But no. Had her luck been any kind of good lately? The door swung open, revealing a confused-looking Nathan. "Brooke? What are you doing here?"

"Lucas asked me to drop this off," she bit out, averting her eyes from his bare chest. Great. She'd caught him and Haley in the middle of a little afternoon delight. "So, here."

He accepted the playbook, still scratching his head. Was it her imagination or was his hair all mussed up? He had that just-after-sex look about him. "Thanks. Did you want to come in?"

She laughed mirthlessly. "And spend some quality time with you and the missus? No, thanks."

"Haley's not here." He opened the door wider, revealing an empty apartment and the couch he'd been napping on. "She's at the Tutoring Center 'til five. I just cut out of practice early because I didn't feel so hot."

"Poor baby," she said, the words dripping with sarcasm.

"I'm really glad you're here," Nathan continued, ignoring the venom in her tone. When she didn't respond, he took her wrist and tugged her gently inside, leading her to the couch. "I've been wanting to apologize for the other day. What I said, it was ... completely out of line."

"Gee, you think?" She was determined not to let him off the hook so easily. Or at all. It was better to remain mad at him. That way, she wouldn't have to think about the good times and pretty soon, it would be like they'd never happened.

"Brooke, I didn't mean what I said. I don't even know where it came from," he said honestly. "I was just so shocked that you'd thought ... that you might've been ... and, I guess, I was scared."

"_You_ were scared?" How could he even say that with a straight face? "Nathan, I was _terrified._ I thought that I might have a baby - _your_ baby. What would I have done? I mean, you're married, so that puts you out of the equation. I was thinking about leaving town."

"I would've stayed with you," he cut in quietly.

"I was thinking -" His words processed, and she stopped. "What did you say?"

"If you had been pregnant." Slowly, he raised his eyes to hers. "I'm not my father, Brooke. I would've done the right thing."

"I wouldn't have wanted you to, Nathan," she sighed. "I would never want to be an obligation to you, okay? So you can just ... forget it."

They were silent for a minute. "I feel like I can never say the right thing to you," Nathan confessed, shifting so that their knees no longer touched. "I feel like I'm doing everything wrong."

"Is there really a right way to treat an ex-mistress?" she asked, trying for humor, but the joke fell flat.

"I thought you'd slept with Lucas," was his response. Brooke, surprised, looked at him. "I thought that, you know, since the two of you are trying again and all, I figured ... I was so jealous. I saw red, literally. When I said that, I just wanted to hurt you."

Her anger melted away. He looked as heartbroken as she had been, as lost as she still felt. "Nathan ..." She wrapped her fingers tentatively around his. "Nate, I haven't - I _couldn't_. It's too soon after ... after everything."

"I know what you mean," he admitted, shaking his head. "I haven't ... with Haley, I mean, we haven't ... just in case you were thinking that. We haven't."

"Great." Another humorless chuckle escaped her lips. "God, what are we going to do, Nate? You can't sleep with your wife and I can't even think about kissing someone else. This is ... this isn't good."

"Maybe it's a sign." Nathan wasn't sure what prompted him to say it. He wasn't a big believer in fate, didn't really prescribe to the idea that everyone had a destiny. But he couldn't think of any other reason why everything in his life lately seemed to lead back to Brooke, why they kept bumping up against each other like this.

She shook her head. "You don't mean that."

"I do," he countered. It was the truth - having her next to him, thighs pressed close, fingers intertwined, well ... it was the closest thing to certainty he'd felt in a while. "You've gotta stop telling me how to feel, Brooke. We've tried it your way and it hasn't done either of us any good."

"And what's your way?" she challenged, straightening her shoulders, gearing up for another fight.

"This," he said simply, and then brought his lips to hers.


	11. Return of the Future

-1**Return of the Future**

_Bad idea. Bad idea. Very bad idea._

Brooke was thinking the words, but she couldn't bring herself to act on them. She knew she was supposed to push Nathan away, order him to keep his distance, maybe even slap him. But how could she do that when his mouth was moving so expertly over hers, when he'd somehow maneuvered them down on the cushions so that she lay trapped beneath him?

"We can't do this," she said, tearing her lips away from his to gasp the words out.

"Really?" He took the refusal in stride, moving to tug at her earlobe with his teeth. "'Cause I think we're pretty good at this."

She didn't respond - _couldn't_ respond, because he had moved on to the sensitive spot at the nape of her neck and she was too busy arching upwards to give him more access. It was wrong, it was reckless, but she just couldn't bring herself to care when he was doing _that_ with his tongue.

"See?" He drove the point home with one, long lick up the column of her throat before pulling away. "Isn't my way better than fighting all the time?"

"Don't look so smug," she breathed, although he had every reason to be. In just two minutes, he'd effectively shut her up and completely broken past every protective wall she'd just finished putting up. "That was a mistake."

"Don't make me come back there," he warned, his mind racing with the all the things he could accomplish if he _did _bridge the gap between them again.

Brooke pulled herself into a sitting position, straightening out her clothes. "No, you stay on your side of the couch. God, I ... I can't even remember what we were talking about."

"I was saying how -"

"Nathan?" The front door slammed shut, the sound causing both of them to jump a mile. "Nate, you home?"

"Haley?" Springing to his feet, Nathan swept his eyes across the room, looking for any signs of his betrayal. Besides the obvious - Brooke seated on his couch, cheeks flushed and lips swollen - there was nothing he needed to hide. "What are you doing back so early?"

"I heard you weren't feeling well, so I thought I'd come home and check on you. I can catch up at the Center tomorrow." Strolling into the living room, Haley paused when she saw that they had a guest. "Oh. Brooke. What are you doing here?"

"She was just dropping off a playbook that I left in the locker room," Nathan hurried to explain. "Lucas asked her to bring it over."

"Yeah, he thought it was pretty necessary," Brooke said, forcing a chuckle as she stood and collected her things. "He didn't want Nathan making any _illegal plays _in the next game."

Nathan caught her pointed tone. "Right, right, although sometimes, you know, those plays benefit _everyone _on the team. I'm not just looking out for myself, you know."

There was a pause.

"Great." Haley seemed oblivious to the underlying tension in the room. "Well, Brooke, since you're here, how 'bout I beg you again to help me out with this vow renewal ceremony?"

"Oh, I don't think ..." Brooke and Nathan began at the same time.

"Come on," Haley persisted. "What do I have to do to get you to say yes?"

"You know, Hales, I don't know if we ever fully discussed the idea of a ceremony," Nathan said carefully, determined to diffuse the situation without causing a fight.

"Of course we did." She looked slightly offended. "Nate, what are you talking about? I thought you liked the idea."

"Okay, well, I should probably get going, let you two ... talk, or whatever." Brooke moved in the direction of the door, hoping to slide out unnoticed. If there was one thing that was more awkward than sitting around with the guy she'd slept with and his wife, it was sitting around in their living room while they argued. "See you guys in school."

Nathan watched her go, wishing he could call out to her to stay, wishing he could follow her to wherever she was going. The thought hit him that wanting to be anywhere _but_ at home with your wife was probably another sign of ... something, but as Haley turned towards him, her disappointment evident, he decided he didn't have the energy to try and decide what, exactly, it meant.

XXX

"Where have you _been_?" Peyton demanded, approaching Brooke's locker the next day like a woman on a mission. "I haven't heard from you in ages!"

"I was sick." Brooke cringed with just the memory of it. "Very, very sick."

"Yeah, but I thought you came back yesterday." Peyton looked concerned. "Are you okay now?"

Brooke shrugged, thinking of the constant tug-of-war she and Nathan were engaged in. "I guess."

"Good. Because Haley asked me to do her a favor and talk to you about this whole renewal of the vows thing. The thing is, she really wants this to happen, and she's got it in her head that you're the only one who can pull off the kind of party she has her heart set on." Peyton peered at her friend's face as the color drained from Brooke's cheeks. "Hey. You okay?"

"Fine, I'm fine, I just -" Brooke shook her head, reminded herself to breathe. It was too much to ask, of course, that she be left alone for one day to regroup from her situation with Nathan. God forbid that what Haley wanted somehow come second to Brooke's own needs.

_Nobody knows they should be leaving you alone_, the more rational side of her brain counseled. _Because nobody knows about you and Nathan._

Which was for the best, Brooke knew. The fewer people who knew, the less of an issue it would be. Her summer with Nathan felt like something she'd imagined. Even their makeout session yesterday had already taken on a dream-like quality; the edges hazy, the details fading. But fuzzy or not, it was a damn good dream to look back on.

"Brooke?" Snapping her fingers, Peyton frowned. "Hello?"

"Sorry. I, um -" Brooke hesitated, then tugged Peyton into a nearby empty classroom. She had to tell someone or she would burst. Why shouldn't it be her best friend? Peyton would understand, or at least she would withhold judgment. "I have to tell you something. It's kind of a secret - it _is_ a secret, actually. You have to swear not to tell anyone."

That piqued her curiosity. As far as Peyton knew, Brooke never kept secrets. She was too honest to do or say anything behind people's backs, choosing upfront confrontation any day. Plus, there wasn't much she did that shamed her. "Okay," she agreed slowly. "What is it?"

"This summer, while everyone was gone ..." Brooke paused and licked her lips, oddly nervous. "Okay. So you weren't here and Lucas wasn't here and even Haley was gone and it was pretty lonely. So Nathan and I started hanging out a lot. And we, um, we got pretty close."

"Brooke." Peyton stared at her, connecting the puzzle pieces in her head. "Are you trying to tell me that you and Nathan ...?"

She trailed off. Biting her lip, Brooke nodded.

"Brooke!" The blonde was aghast. "You _slept_ with Nathan Scott?"

"Several times." There was none of Brooke's usual pride in her tone. "I'm in love with him."

Peyton nearly choked. "You - you're - _what?_"

"I know, I know. Trust me, I _know_." Brooke began to pace the classroom, arms folded around her midsection. "It's stupid. It's ridiculous. But I can't help it. We both know we can't be together."

"Wait. Back up." Peyton moved to stand in Brooke's path, taking her by the shoulders. "You _both_? Was this, like, a _thing?_"

"It wasn't supposed to be," Brooke said helplessly. "But things ... escalated."

"Brooke, this is _huge._" Peyton's mind was racing. Not two weeks ago, Lucas had turned her down, citing the fact that he and Brooke were going to try again. And now here was Brooke, confessing to be in love with someone else. "This is ... this is just crazy."

"You can't tell anyone, Peyton. Please." Brooke looked more serious than Peyton had ever seen her. "I don't want to hurt Luke. And Nate obviously doesn't want to hurt Haley. We're kind of stuck."

"Brooke. You need to think very carefully about what could happen," Peyton said. "Seriously. A lot of hearts could get broken."

But there was one in particular that she wouldn't mind putting back together. And a tiny little part of Peyton couldn't help but wish that her best friend _would _cheat on her boyfriend, if only so that she could have another chance with him.


	12. Got Dreams to Remember

**Got Dreams to Remember**

Nathan was watching Haley sleep.

It was nearly three in the morning and he had yet to fall asleep himself. Each time his eyes fell closed, Brooke's image flashed through his mind. It was like she was haunting him – but, then, that was no different than his daytime hours.

At least Haley was resting peacefully. She'd gone to bed early, claiming to have a headache, but he'd known the real reason. He'd tried to fight her on the vow renewal issue and she was angry. What young wife wouldn't be hurt by her husband's reluctance to publicly commit himself to her?

With a sigh, Nathan shifted so that a few extra inches were between them. The thing was, he wanted to give her the ceremony of her dreams. He wanted her to be happy. He just … didn't think his heart was in it. Every time he pictured himself slipping a ring on Haley's finger, he found himself scanning the imaginary crowd, looking for someone else.

He'd married Haley because, at the time, his life had been in such turmoil that just the thought of having someone loyal and steady to come home to had sounded like paradise. But things had finally calmed down and now seeing her smile every time he walked through the door felt more like a burden than a blessing.

Nathan knew it wasn't fair. Making Haley responsible for his happiness, blaming her when he felt stifled and snappish. But maybe getting married had actually been the mistake everyone had told them it was. He was too _young_ for this.

And it wasn't like he just wanted to replace Haley with Brooke, either. Brooke would laugh in his face if he even suggested it, he was sure. It was just … with her, he could be himself. He could have a bad day. He could snap at her and apologize later and not feel like he'd just kicked a wounded animal. He could _breathe._

With one last look at his sleeping wife, Nathan rolled out of bed and grabbed his jeans. His mind was made up, but he knew there was someone else he needed to convince. This was another betrayal, he knew, but if he was going to leave his wife, the first person he needed to tell was Brooke.

XXX

_It was her wedding day._

_Brooke had never been the kind of girl to fantasize about snow-white dresses and hundreds of doves being released. But here she was – standing at the head of a church aisle a mile long, lined with expectant faces and overstuffed with flowers and lace._

_It was nothing how she'd pictured it, except for one thing: standing at the altar, tall and proud, was Nathan. Even though there was a vast distance between them, she could see the way his eyes were shining as he watched her and her heart filled with so much love that it threatened to burst._

_The organ music started and she took a deep breath, put one foot forward – and fell, immediately, flat on her face. The wedding march cut off abruptly, scratching like a record. The crowd began to murmur._

_Flushed red, Brooke drew herself to her knees – quite the task with the layers of satin and tulle that pooled around her legs. She glanced up, seeking help, and found Haley bending over her. For an instant, Brooke thought she might help her up. But the girl simply plucked the bouquet out of her hands and smirked. "You didn't really think you'd win, did you?"_

_As she turned away, the music started up again, and Haley timed her steps to the beat as she made her way down the aisle. Brooke tried to stand, but found herself held back by some unseen force. Helpless, frozen, she could only watch as Haley walked into Nathan's open arms._

_"Nathan, wait," Brooke pleaded as they both turned their backs to her, facing the priest and their future. "Nathan."_

"Brooke." Frowning, Nathan shook her shoulder again, leaning close to whisper in her ear. "Brooke, wake up."

"Nathan." Startling out of sleep, Brooke jolted upright. "Nathan? What are you _doing_ here? How'd you even get in?"

He jerked his chin at the open window. "You should really lock that, you know. You live on the first floor, for God's sake."

"Yeah, but until now, no one's ever taken it upon themselves to ambush me," she grumbled, twisting around to get a look at her clock. "It's the middle of the night, Nathan, what do you _want_?"

"To be with you," he said bluntly.

She only laughed. "Impossible. But is there anything else I can do for you?"

"Brooke." He sat down on the bed without asking, but she was already shifting over to accommodate him. "I'm serious. I've been thinking about it for weeks. And tonight, I was laying in bed with Haley, just … laying there, and I couldn't fall asleep."

"Weird, 'cause I wasn't having that problem," she muttered darkly.

"I'm not in love with her," he continued, ignoring the barb. "I'm not. I still love her, I still want her to be happy, but I don't – I'm not – _in_ love with her."

He stared at her, his eyes wide with his own revelation, trying to make her understand the importance of it. "I'm not in love with my wife."

"I heard you the first nine times," Brooke snapped, starting to push back the covers so she could stand. "I don't know what you want me to tell you, Nathan. We're eighteen years old and you're talking about divorce. I can't deal with that, I don't – I don't know how to deal with that."

"Brooke." He reached out to take her hand, keep her in place. The irony of it didn't escape him – he couldn't get comfortable with Haley beside him, but he didn't feel right if Brooke wasn't. "Calm down. Don't get mad at me again, okay? It's been a rough night so far."

Her dream – or more accurately, her nightmare – flooded back to her. "Yeah, I know the feeling."

Nathan seemed to know just what was on her mind. "You were saying my name, you know," he said, almost conversationally. "When I came in. Before I'd even tried to wake you, you were saying my name in your sleep."

She glared. "It was just a dream. It didn't mean anything."

"It had to mean _something_," he pressed. "_I_ have to mean something, Brooke. God, can you give a guy a break? Give me anything to go on? Every time I kiss you, it sure feels like _something_, so can you stop with the ice queen act and just tell me how you really feel?"

"You know how I feel, Nathan," she said quietly, raising her eyes to his. "You know I'm in love with you. But I don't – you're actually serious? You want to leave Haley? Because unless you're two hundred percent sure, I'm not going to get my hopes up. I _can't_."

He nodded. "I know. I know. I think … in the morning, I'll call my dad's lawyer. See what the process is."

Brooke stared at him in the semi-darkness, then blew out a long breath. "A lawyer. Whew. Okay. I just – let's just take a minute. This is suddenly very real. I just … God, I just told Lucas, I would be his girlfriend again."

Nathan exhaled as well, running a hand across his face. "Looks like neither of us Scott boys have very good timing." She didn't respond to his attempt at a joke. "Would you … if I left Haley, would you …?"

"I would leave him." A sound escape her throat, a half-laugh, half-sob. "Somehow. I wish I loved him the way I used to. I wish I loved him like … like I love you. But I don't. So. I would leave him."

"Okay, then." Some of the tension drained out of his shoulders. Nathan hesitated, then laid his knuckles on her thigh, palm upturned. "So we're really gonna do this?"

Brooke's gaze darted from his to his waiting hand. "You jump, I jump, Jack," she said, and in case he didn't get the reference, her fingers slid into his.

He smiled and squeezed her hand, then closed the distance between them. Their kiss was slow, gentle, filled not with the usual heat they generated but a different kind of passion, one that seemed to set off a spark at the pit of Brooke' stomach and just kind of spread from there.

Nathan drew away, but kept their hands clasped. "Do you mind if I stay here? Nothing has to happen," he hastened to add. "I just want to sleep next to you."

Smiling, she nodded, pushing back the covers to allow him room. Nathan slid underneath and shaped his body to hers, marveling – as always – at how well they fit together. She didn't say anything, just snuggled against him and let her eyes fall closed again.

This time, her dream wedding went off without a hitch and Nathan got the peaceful slumber he'd been looking for.


	13. The Wind That Blew My Heart Away

Hi guys! Just wanted to thank everyone for the reviews so far! It's always great to have stories get a response and I'm glad so many people see the same potential in Nathan and Brooke that I do! Hope you enjoy this chapter too!

**The Wind That Blew My Heart Away**

Brooke woke up alone but, for once, didn't feel like anything was missing. She could still smell Nathan on her pillow, see the impression his weight had made on her mattress. If she closed her eyes and concentrated, she could even pretend she still felt him beside her.

A knock on the door snapped her abruptly out of the fantasy. "Brooke?" Lucas called, his voice muffled by the wall between them. "You almost ready? I can't miss class on game day."

Damn it. She'd forgotten that today was the first game of the season – the one thing Lucas had worked all summer to prepare for. "I'm awake," she promised, eyes still squeezed shut. She would have to wait until after the game to break the news to him. She'd been putting it off for weeks – one more day wouldn't hurt. "One minute."

Shoving herself out of bed, she went straight to her desk to collect her things. Her notebook was already open, Nathan's block lettering scrawled across the page. _Brooke – Had to get back. See you soon. Nathan._ Her tired eyes scanned down to the bottom of the page and only then she did begin to fully function. _ P.S. I love you._

Her knees suddenly felt weak. It was stupid – he'd said the words to her in person a dozen times – but this was different somehow. Seeing it in writing made it that much more real … and gave her the courage to do what she needed to do. Strengthened, Brooke turned to the task of getting dressed for the day.

Two minutes later, Lucas knocked again. "Brooke? You ready yet?"

She swung the door open to find him waiting with anxious eyes. Her hands traveled to her back pocket, where she'd tucked Nathan's note for safekeeping. She wanted to keep it close at hand to remind herself what was at stake. She would talk to Lucas after the game and then … then everything would finally be okay

"I'm ready," she said, and brushed past him to lead the way out the door.

XXX

"Go Ravens!" With one last shout and a wave of her pom-poms, Broke trotted off the court with the rest of the squad to make way for the team.

Coming back from halftime, the boys were already sweaty, already tired, but both Nathan and Lucas flashed smiles as they jogged past Brooke. Her eyes locked with Nathan's for a beat too long and she ducked her head, hoping her hair would hide her grin.

"Brooke." No such luck, if Peyton's accusatory hiss was any indication. The blonde girl grabbed her arm and dragged her a few feet away from their fellow cheerleaders. "What was that?"

"That? That, P. Sawyer, was halftime. It's kind of a tradition in this great game we call basketball –"

"Shut up," Peyton ordered, not cracking a smile. "Seriously. That _moment_ that you just had with Nathan. Did something happen between the two of you again?"

"Um." She bit the inside of her cheek, thinking of the note she'd read approximately twenty seven hundred times throughout the day. "I think … I think we might actually be taking the next step."

"The next step?" Peyton shook her head. "What's the next step when you're having an _affair_?"

"Shh." She glanced around to see if anyone had overheard. "Peyton. Don't be like that. He came over last night to tell me he's going to leave Haley."

"He is?" This seemed to throw Peyton off her high horse. "So you're … you're going to dump Lucas, then? That's the deal?"

"I'm not going to _dump_ him, Peyton. Don't make it sound so heartless. I'm going to talk to him. I mean, we've barely just started dating again. He'll be okay." Despite her confident tone, Brooke found her eyes wandering to Lucas' figure as he raced up and down the court. "Won't he?"

"I'm sure he'll be fine," Peyton assured her, following her gaze.

As they watched, Lucas seemed to trip over his own feet, stumbling and losing momentum. His opponent took the opportunity to snatch the ball from under his palm and change direction. The crowd of Ravens fans groaned, but the reaction was drowned out by Whitey's outraged roar.

"Pick it up, Scott!" he screamed from the sidelines. "Where's your _head_ tonight? Get – in – the – game!"

Brooke could feel the attention of the crowd shift from the game in general to Lucas' performance in particular. And she knew everyone was still watching when, twelve seconds later, Lucas came to a complete stop at center court, brought one hand to his chest, and collapsed.

XXX

The waiting room was crowded with worried faces and well-wishers by the time Nathan arrived. Karen and Haley were in deep discussion with a doctor, so he made his way towards Peyton and Brooke to see what they knew. "Hey," he greeted, still breathless from the game and the fear that had gripped him as he watched his brother fall. "How is he?"

Brooke didn't respond. In fact, she hardly seemed to register her presence. Peyton squeezed her friend's shoulder, then stepped away. "I'll go get an update."

Alone, Nathan turned to the stricken brunette, who hardly resembled the girl he'd slept beside all night. "Brooke," he began, reaching out.

"Don't." She stepped back, out of reach, fixing him with a hard, blank stare. "Just … don't."

Before he could try again, Karen stepped forward to address the crowd. "He's going to be okay," she announced. "It was his heart, there's something wrong with his heart, but … he's going to be fine."

A collective sigh of relief went through the waiting room. "Can we …" Brooke paused, aware of everyone's eyes on her as she swallowed and started again. "Can I see him?"

Karen glanced at the girl, her heart breaking for how miserable she looked. It seemed it was taking a great effort to even hold herself upright. "Of course, honey."

Brooke started forward, but stopped at the sound of Nathan's voice. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" He directed the question to Karen, but his eyes were on Brooke. "I mean, the guy just collapsed. Maybe now's not the best time."

"I need to do this," Brooke replied, finally raising her eyes to his.

In the tension filled silence that followed, Karen cleared her throat and wrapped an arm around Brooke's waist. "Come on, honey, I'll bring you to him." She led her to the door, then squeezed her hand and gave her a gentle shove through the threshold.

Lucas was awake, fiddling with one of the several tubes attached to his wrist. "Brooke," he said, sounding surprised, as if he hadn't just given everyone the scare of their lives. "What are you doing here?"

"Lucas. What are _you_ doing here?" she returned, gesturing to the monitors and machines that surrounded him. "What _happened_ tonight?"

He sighed and his gaze dropped to his lap. "I … my heart isn't in the best condition. I wasn't even supposed to be playing."

"Oh, God." Shocked, she sank down into the chair at his bedside, reached out to take his hand. "I had no idea."

"I kept it from you – from everyone," he said honestly. Then the edges of his lips turned upwards. "But I'm glad you're here now."

She hesitated. "Lucas, I – I –"

"What? What is it?"

Brooke studied him carefully. There was still a light sheen of sweat on his brow, shadows under his tired eyes. He was hurt. How could she even think of adding to that?

"Nothing," she declared, shaking her head and putting on a smile. "Nothing. I'm just glad you're okay."


	14. All Tomorrow's Parties

**All Tomorrow's Parties**

Nathan hurried as he made his way down the sidewalk, pushing his way through the passerby in an effort to get to Karen's Café as quickly as humanly possible.

It wasn't a sudden craving for caffeine that had him cursing elderly women in walkers. It was the fact that Brooke, whom he hadn't seen or heard from in the entire three days that Lucas had been hospitalized, had called and asked him to meet her there after her shift.

He wondered how Lucas had taken the news, if perhaps it had been too soon for his heart to handle such a jolt. Or maybe Brooke hadn't actually told him yet, maybe she just … _missed_ Nathan. That wasn't entirely implausible – he'd missed her so much in the past few days that his whole body ached with it.

"Brooke," he said, finally arrived and immediately spotting her at a table tucked away in the corner. He approached with an actual bounce in his step, a foolishly wide smile spreading over his lips. "I'm so glad you called, I've been wanting to talk to you all week."

"Nathan." She didn't stand to greet him, but that made sense. They were trying to be covert, after all. "How are you?"

"Better now." He flashed her a grin as he took the seat across from her and scooted an inch closer. "How's Luke doing? I've been stopping by during visiting hours, but I missed yesterday. Practice ran late."

"He's made a full recovery," she pronounced, twirling the straw in her soda. "He's being released tomorrow afternoon, under strict orders to never pull a stupid stunt like that again."

He nodded, relieved. "And how's Karen holding up?"

"She feels awful." Brooke's eyes got a strange, faraway look in them, like she was thinking of something else. "Like it's her fault."

"It's not –"

He was intrigued by a shadow falling across the table. Glancing up, he got the shock of his young life, one that very nearly catapulted him into sharing a hospital room with his brother. "Haley!" He jumped to his feet, his gaze flicking from his wife's face to Brooke's calm expression. "What are you doing here?"

"Brooke asked me to come," Haley replied, leaning to kiss his cheek. "What's up with you? You're all jumpy."

"Just surprised is all." With an uneasy laugh, he held out a chair for her, simultaneously sliding his further away from Brooke. "So … Brooke asked you here, huh?"

"I thought it would be easier to talk this way," Brooke explained, folding her hands demurely in her lap.

"You did?" Nathan was beginning to sweat. With everything that had been going on with Lucas, he hadn't had the time to sit down with Haley and discuss their future – or lack thereof. "About … what, exactly?"

"The vow renewal, obviously." Haley looked at him like he had two heads. "Seriously, is something wrong?"

The vow renewal. Suddenly, everything clicked into place – Brooke's recent absence from his life, the remote distance she held herself at now. She was backing out on him. "Oh." Nathan shook his head, trying to clear it. "No, nothing's wrong, I just … I hadn't realized we were onto the planning stage already."

"Well, if it's all right with the two of you," Brooke cut in, keeping her eyes steady on his. "I'd really like to get right to work on this. After all, you have your whole life together ahead of you. The sooner it starts, the better, right?"

Nathan searched her gaze for any signs of sadness, any hint that this was tearing her heart in two. He found nothing in her hazel eyes but cool determination. "Yeah," he relented, refusing to blink. "The sooner, the better."

"Great!" Haley enthused, reaching out to grab Brooke's hand and squeeze it. "We're so happy you're finally on board, Brooke. Aren't we, Nate?"

"We're ecstatic," he said firmly, bringing his hand down on the one of Brooke's that Haley wasn't holding. He still felt sparks when their skin brushed. "Glad to have you with us, Brooke. Really."

Brooke tried to pull both her hands into her lap, but only Haley released her grip. "Anything I can do to help," she said quietly. "The two of you deserve a happy ending."

"You're right," Nathan agreed, but he wasn't looking at Haley when he continued, "We do."

XXX

Lucas was restless.

It had only been three days, but they had been the longest of his life by far. Barring the times he was wheeled out of the room for tests – stress tests, blood tests, genetic tests, the list went on and on – he was alone in a room with white-washed walls and three television channels.

He wasn't made for this. He was an athlete, for God's sake, perpetually in motion. Being stuck in this bed with virtually no mental or physical stimulation was killing him.

So when, with a light knock to announce herself, Peyton popped her curly head through the door, relief flooded his body. "Peyt!" He hit the button that brought his bed to a sitting position. "Man, am I glad to see you. What's up?"

She smiled, grateful for the warm welcome, and slipped into a chair. "How are you, Luke? God, this place is like a morgue. You must be going out of your mind."

"_Thank_ you," he over-emphasized, glad that someone else could recognize how torturous the setting was. "Please say you're staying for awhile. Tell me everything that's happening on the outside."

"Luacs," she laughed. "You sound like a life-long prisoner. It's only been a few days."

"Three long, painfully boring, bed-ridden days," he corrected, then winced slightly as another chest pain hit.

"Are you okay?" Peyton was immediately on high alert. "I can call the nurse."

"No, no, it's fine." He grabbed her hand to move it away from the call button. "Really. The doctors said the pain would last about another week, but as my body accepts the meds, they'll wear off."

"Oh, Lucas." She let her thumb run across his wrist, carefully navigating around the IV needle. "How'd this happen, huh? You scared us all so much. Why'd you let it happen?"

Now he was really pained and it had nothing to do with his medical condition. "I'm sorry, Peyton. I know … this was probably hard for you. Did it bring back memories of your mom?"

"God." Peyton laughed again, but there was no humor in the sound and tears glimmered in her eyes. "No. This has nothing to do with my mother. Lucas, you … we thought you had _died_. You were just lying there, not breathing, not moving, and … and I love you. I love you and I thought you were dead."

"Peyton, shh," he soother, bringing her closer, wrapping his arms securely around her shaking shoulders. Sobbing openly now, she buried her head in his chest until the tears had run their course. "I'm okay now, I'm fine. I'm sorry I scared you, but I'm going to be fine. Everything's okay."

He probably would have continued murmuring nonsense syllables to comfort her, but his hot breath was in her ear and she was suddenly kissing him. It happened without her even being aware – one minute, she was crying into his hospital gown and the next she was scooting up, snaking her arms around his neck, fastening her mouth to his.

Lucas responded, of course. He'd always had a thing for damsels in distress and Peyton's tongue was tracing the outline of his lips and what guy with at least one brain cell _wouldn't_ respond? He hoisted her out of the chair, settling her onto his lap for better access, and buried his fingers in her curls.

His IV tipped dangerously, the metal legs clattering against the bed frame and bringing them back to their senses. Lucas pulled away first, one hand darting out to catch and steady the pole, and the spell was broken.

"Oh, my God." Realizing where she was and what, exactly, she'd done, Peyton scrambled off the bed. "Lucas, I'm – I'm so sorry. That was stupid, I shouldn't have –"

"It's okay," Lucas interrupted, like he was just picking up where he'd left off in comforting her earlier outburst. "Peyton, it's okay."

She shook her head. "I have to go. I … I'm sorry about your heart."

"Yeah." He stared after her retreating form. "Yours, too."


	15. Just Watch the Fireworks

**Just Watch the Fireworks**

"I want – excuse me, _we_ want," Haley corrected herself, shooting Nathan another one of the sugary-sweet smiles that made Brooke want to kill herself. "To strike the right balance between casual and elegant. I mean, I'm not really sure of the protocol for a second wedding. Do you think I should wear my dress again or get something less … white?"

Brooke barely repressed the shudder that accompanied the mental image of _why_ Haley shouldn't be wearing white. To think of Nathan – _her_ Nathan – laying over Haley, running his hands along her body, made her want to cry.

"Brooke?" Haley prompted, waving a hand in front of the other girl's glazed eyes. "What do you think?"

"Oh. Uh, I think you can wear your dress again." Brooke furrowed her brows, trying to collect her thoughts. "From the pictures I've seen, it's just … it's the perfect dress for you. For this."

Nathan seemed to sense that she was having a hard time. "Hey, Hales, would you mind asking Karen when she thinks Luke will be up for this? I don't want to schedule anything too soon … for him."

Haley simpered at the suggestion. "Nate, you're so right. God, where's my brain these days? I'll be right back. Don't let Broke out of your sight – I don't want to spend another two weeks begging her to meet with me."

He waited until she'd scurried over to the counter, back facing them, before reaching his haind out again. "Brooke, you don't have to do this."

"Yes, I do." She stared at his hand on the table, but made no move to take it. "It's the only way to make things right, Nathan. I can't … I can't break things off with Lucas. Not now. And you and Haley, you're good together. I really think that. She loves you. And you loved her, before. You could again. And I can help. I want to help."

"Brooke …"

"I have to go," she said abruptly, standing up in such a rush that her knees bumped the table, making everything shake. "Tell Haley she can call me about all of this. I'll do whatever you guys need."

"Brooke, wait." He stood, tried to grab her, but he missed by inches and the next thing he knew, she was gone.

"Nathan." Haley already had her hands on her hips as she made her way back to the table. She pointed out the window at Brooke's rapidly disappearing figure. "I gave you one job. What happened?"

He sat back down heavily, shaking his head. "She had to leave."

Haley processed this with a long-suffering sigh. "You know, Nathan, I feel like you're not even trying."

"She had to leave," he repeated in protest, although he actually dispute what she was saying.

Haley tossed her hair in a move that was so reminiscent of Brooke that he blinked. "It's not just about that. It's about … you don't seem interested in this ceremony at all. Whenever I bring it up, you blow it off or make some negative comment or act like you've never heard of the idea before."

He stared at the table. Two minutes ago, Brooke had been across from him. Every time she'd shifted to recross her legs, her foot brushed his calf, and it was stupid but he could've lived on that single touch alone.

"It's not like I'm asking that much," Haley continued hotly. She was gaining momentum now, picking up speed like a train about to careen off track. "I'm doing this for both of us. We _need_ this, Nathan. God. Do you even _want_ to marry me again?"

Nathan drew in a long, measured breath. He let it out. Then he raised his eyes from the seat Brooke had occupied to his wife's expectant gaze and said, as honestly as he knew how, "I'm not sure."

XXX

Peyton swung her front door open to a sight she hardly recognized: Brooke, sobbing messily, her hair in disarray and makeup streaked across her face, shoulders slumped, head hanging.

"Oh, my God." She brought one hand to hear mouth. "Did something happen to Lucas?"

Brooke only seemed to cry harder. "Nathan and I are – are – _over_," she managed to get out before a fresh onslaught of tears hit.

"Oh, Brooke." Maybe she was a terrible person, but all Peyton could feel was relief. Lucas wasn't hurt and he hadn't confessed to Brooke about the kiss they'd shared. "I'm so sorry."

It was easy to get her arms around Brooke and lead her inside, settle her down on the couch. Peyton forgot, sometimes, how small her friend really was, how … breakable. Brooke always acted so tough, always knew when to smile and when to smirk, and it wasn't hard to forget that it was just that: an act.

"I don't know why I'm so upset," Brooke sobbed, shaking her head as she tried to wipe her cheeks dry. "We've been over and over this. I _knew_ it couldn't work out."

"Brooke, just calm down," Peyton coached, taking her friends hands in an effort to keep her focused. "Now tell me what happened."

Brooke rolled her watery eyes, thinking back on the delusions she'd been letting herself entertain. "Well, you know how I said I was going to talk to Lucas and … and things with him? After he collapsed the other night, I couldn't go through with it, obviously."

Peyton reeled back, dropping Brooke's hand like the contact had burned her. "You – you couldn't? So, you and Luke are still … still?"

"Yeah." Brooke sighed hugely, which only made Peyton resent her more. Like being with Lucas was just such a burden. "He just looked so … pale in the hospital. So weak. I couldn't do that to him."

"I kissed him," Peyton blurted out, all in a rush so that the words swept in a single wave over Brooke's head.

Her face crinkled in confusion. "What?"

"I kissed Luacs," Peyton repeated, slower and more deliberately. At Brooke's aghast look, she shrugged and glanced down at her scuffed Converse sneakers. "In the hospital, earlier today. I just ... we were talking and I was telling him how scared I was when he fell and then … then I kissed him."

Understanding seemed to have dawned on Brooke and, with it, a dangerous light in her eyes. "So you kissed my boyfriend," she clarified. "Again."

"Right.' Peyton bit her lip nervously, trying to gauge her friend's reaction. Brooke wasn't one to take such news lying down – she'd expected yelling, tears, accusations. "Brooke? You okay?"

"Well." She chuckled mirthlessly. "I can hardly be mad, right? I'm sleeping with another woman's husband. So what if my best friend kissed my boyfriend?"

"Brooke …" She had no idea how to proceed. "Seriously, I didn't mean to do it, it just … happened."

"Peyton," Brooke countered. "I'm not mad. I really can't be. It's just …"

She trailed off. Peyton fidgeted beside her. "What? Just say it."

"It's just, why doesn't anyone ever love me enough?" Brooke finished, turning to Peyton dead in the eye. Her gaze was unreadable, not a glare, but none too friendly either. "I mean, first I thought Lucas was the one, but then he went and made out with you. And then Nathan, but God knows he's still very much with Haley. And now you."

Brooke paused, seemed to consider something, then just shook her head. "You're supposed to be my best friend, Peyton. You know? And, yeah, you hurt me before, but I thought we were done with all that. If you'd wanted Lucas, you could've just told me."

"Brooke," Peyton began.

"Hey," Brooke cut in, holding up a hand as if to ward off the excuse on Peyton's lips. "You can't help who you love. I know that better than anyone. And if you can be with that person, if you get that chance … you should take it. You and Lucas, you both deserve to be happy."

Peyton remained silent as the brunette stood and moved towards the door. Finally, with Brooke's hand on the knob, she spoke. "But what about you?"

"Me?" Brooke considered the question, then shrugged. "Maybe I'm not meant to be with anyone."


	16. With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds

Thanks for all the reviews so far, guys, they make my day! I'm hoping to wrap this story up soon so I can move on to a few more I have in mind – my Nathan/Brooke obsession is slightly out of control. Anyway, enjoy the chapter and don't forget to review!

**With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds, Tired Souls, We Slept**

Brooke contemplated playing hooky the next day, but Karen was on her way to bring Lucas home from the hospital and there was an old saying about frying pans and fires. At least at school, she would be able to avoid Nathan … and Haley … and Peyton.

She sighed. It was going to be a long day.

She hadn't seen or spoken to anyone in the past twenty four hours. Nathan and Peyton had both called several times throughout the night, but she'd turned her phone off. She didn't want to hear anything they had to say.

But Nathan, at least, wouldn't be so easily deterred. He was waiting for her in the parking lot when she pulled into her usual space, leaning against his car with his arms crossed and a determined glint in his eyes. Brooke cut the engine, slid out of her seat, and started to walk past him.

"You're getting awfully good at this avoidance thing," he called out. She squared her shoulders against the words, hoping to deflect them by sheer willpower. "Great. Just great, Brooke. Keep walking away. I'm used to it."

A few curious glances were cast their way. Brooke noticed, of course. It wasn't the first time she'd put on a show for her classmates, but usually it was something she wanted to do. Nathan was going to make them both look like idiots unless she put a stop to it.

Turning, she stalked the few feet back to him. "What the hell are you doing, Nathan?" she hissed, her eyes flashing dangerously. "Why not just wear a sign that says 'Hi, world – Brooke and I slept together'?"

He pretended to consider the idea. "You don't think that's too obvious?"

"Ugh." With a frustrated groan, her fingers wrapped around his wrist none too gentle, dragging him into the building behind her. Once inside, she barricaded them both in the first empty classroom she found. "You were deliberately making a scene out there. Why?"

"You're the one who just hauled me in here past half the student body," he countered, his pleasant tone designed to fuel the fire. She sputtered with indignation. "I just wanted to talk."

Furious, Brooke made herself count to ten. Just because he was going to act like a smug, self-righteous ass was no reason to let him win. "We don't have anything to talk about," she informed him, pausing before delivering the killing blow, "Unless it's about your vow renewal ceremony."

Nathan's eyes narrowed. "Yeah, I have a problem with the plans for that."

She waited, but he didn't continue. "Anything in particular?"

"Just this.' Too late, she realized the trap she'd walked into. He was already swooping down, crushing her against him and capturing her lips with his. Her response was automatic, her arms winding around his neck as her legs stretched and her neck arched to meet him halfway. When he heard her moan, Nathan forced himself to back off, leaving her literally aching for more. "So what's you professional opinion on _that_, Davis?"

She stared at him wide-eyed, unable to form the necessary rebuttal. A minute ticked by, the second hand moving interminably slowly on the clock on the wall, as they waited each other out. Finally, she sighed and dragged a shaking hand through her hair. "Can't you just leave me alone, Nathan?" she asked, defeated. "I can't keep doing this."

"Well, you might not have to," he snapped, showing no sympathy for the weariness in her tone. "Considering that yesterday, I told Haley that I wasn't sure I wanted to go through with our second wedding."

"What?" She registered the words, but couldn't comprehend them. "You did _what_? Nathan, are you crazy? I agreed to plan the stupid wedding! Everything was going to work out for the two of you!"

He scoffed, unable to believe she could say that with a straight face. "Have you not been paying attention? It's not the two of _us_ whore future I'm invested in."

Brooke shook her head. "You don't know what you're doing. You and Haley have a good thing going. You shouldn't mess with that."

"It's _you_, Brooke," he continued, as if she hadn't spoken. "It's me and you. God, wake up, okay? I know we could be happy with other people. I know that Haley is the kindest, most supportive wife a guy could ask for. And I know that in a few months, I'm not going to think it's cute that you take hour-long showers and hog all the covers. But I want to be with you, okay? You. No one else."

As if on cue, the bell rang, signaling the beginning of the day. Nathan rolled his eyes heavenward, then focused back on her. "Think about that, okay?"

He disappeared into the hallway, quickly swallowed up by the crowd of students trying to be on time. Stunned, Brooke stayed where she was, her lips still tingling and his speech echoing in her ears. The second bell came and went, but she wasn't concerned about class.

The only thing she hoped she wasn't too late for was her chance with Nathan.

XXX

Unfortunately for Brooke, she couldn't exactly cite "romantic entanglement" or "emotional epiphany" as a reason for being late to Mrs. Henson's first-period History class. The teacher fixed her with a killing glare as she skulked into the room a good ten minutes behind her peers and inquired, "Should I ask to see a pass or am I merely wasting my breath, Ms. Davis?"

Brooke tried to turn on her usual charm, but her mind was clearly on other matters. "Sorry, Mrs. Henson, it won't happen again."

The teacher's lips pursed disapprovingly. "No, it won't. And as for today, you can spend the period in the Tutoring Center, writing an essay about the vast effects of tardiness."

"Mrs. Henson, don't you think that's a little extreme?" Brooke protested sweetly, although she was inwardly panicking. She couldn't go to the Tutoring Center – it was like Haley's base camp. If she was ever going to face the girl, she at least wanted it to be on her own turf.

"What if General Washington had been late to the Battle of Trenton, Brooke?" A the silence that met that ludicrous statement, Mrs. Henson looked triumphant. "Actions have consequences, Ms. Davis. You can think about _that_ for your paper as well."

Defeated, Brooke could only shake her head as she turned towards the door. Actions had consequences? She knew that better than anyone. She was about to go spend the next forty five minutes sitting across from the wife of the man she loved. She knew all about consequences.

Her first, cautious glance around the room revealed no sign of Haley, so Brooke chose a seat and immediately laid her head down on the table. She was going to write the stupid paper, but first she just needed a minute to close her eyes and forget everything that had happened since summer.

"Brooke?"

She jolted upright. "Haley." Of course. Forcing a smile, she shifted in her seat, but didn't stand. If she rose to meet Haley on equal footing, it would feel too much like facing off for battle. "Hey."

"Hey. What _happened_ to you the other day?" Apparently unaware that she was waging a war, Haley slid into the seat across from Brooke. "You just left!"

"I'm sorry," Brooke mumbled uncharacteristically. "There was something I needed to take care of. I'll clear my schedule later in the week, okay?"

If she was taken aback by the easy acquiescence, Haley didn't show it. Instead her features darkened and she slumped a little lower in her chair. "That might not be necessary."

Brooke frowned. "What do you mean?"

"After you left, Nathan … he told me something." Haley paused to sigh deeply, as if it were all just too much to bear. "And now I'm just … I'm not really sure there's going to be a vow renewal."

"What?" Brooke felt her skin tighten with nerves. "What did he say to you?"

"He said he's not sure if he wants to marry me again." Haley confessed. Tears welled up in her eyes, hardly the first batch she'd said in the past twenty four hours. "He's not sure. Can you believe it?"

"I really can't," Brooke said honestly. "Did he say why?"

Haley sobbed harder. "He doesn't know if he loves me anymore."

Brooke paled. "Oh, Haley."

"Don't say he didn't mean it." She shook her head sadly. "He was looking me right in the eye when he said it."

This was it. This was the exact reason Brooke had been turning Nathan down for months, avoiding him in the halls and pretending she didn't dream of him every night. Because it was going to hurt everyone else they cared about.

And here was her chance to come clean and make everything right again. She would apologize, promise that it was over between her and Nathan, and then plan the best second wedding anyone had ever seen.

"Haley." She took a deep breath. "I have to tell you something."


	17. Who Will Survive

**Who Will Survive and What Will Be Left of Them**

"Brooke?" Haley prompted, when a whole minute had gone by and Brooke had yet to continue. "God, Brooke, you look really serious. What is it?"

"It –" She stopped, her throat closing over the words. "It's …"

"Is it Lucas?" The other girl was clearly concerned, leaning forward as she waited for Brooke to spit out the words. "Did something happen with his heart condition?"

Brooke shook her head. "No, it's nothing like that. You're a really good person, Haley. You know that? You're just … good, all the time, and I wish that I didn't have to tell you this."

"Okay. I'm a little scared now." Haley tried to laugh it off, but her chuckle sounded weak. "Can you please tell me what's going on?"

Brooke braced herself. She was about to potentially ruin three people's lives, she knew that. Four, if her hunch was correct that Lucas would find out by the end of the day. But hadn't she learned firsthand that the truth, in these situations, was always better? Lucas and Peyton's betrayal had cut all the deeper because they'd tried to keep it from her. She didn't want to go down that same road.

"Over the summer, while you were gone," she began. "Nathan and I hung out a lot. I mean, we were the only ones around, you know? So we kind of … depended on each other."

"That's … understandable." Haley nodded along, trying to see the point of the story. "So, what, did he tell you he was scared to remarry me? Is that it? He's got cold feet?"

"He just …" She had hoped that, once she started talking, Haley would somehow connect the dots and remove the burden from her shoulders. It appeared that wasn't going to be the case. She was going to have to make a full confession. 'We were sort of close, Haley. We … well, we _are_ close."

Haley stared at her for a full thirty seconds. Brooke could actually _see_ the moment when comprehension dawned – the light in Haley's kind eyes extinguished as if it had never been there at all. "What –" She paused and cleared her throat primly. "What, exactly, do you mean by close?"

Brooke's mouth moved, but she couldn't find the words. She lifted her hands helplessly.

"I see." Haley nodded, pushing her chair back from the table, like she couldn't stand being so close to Brooke. "You had sex with my husband."

Her heart broke all over again at how dirty it sounded. "It wasn't like that."

"Oh, right, of course not," Haley said, and the scorn in her voice physically burned. "You were just making the rounds, right? Lucas cheated on you, so you cheated on him? Screw anyone else getting hurt, as long as Brooke Davis feels better."

"We didn't want to hurt you," Brooke tried again.

Haley's eyebrows hit her hairline. "_We_? So, you and Nathan, you're a 'we' now?"

"No, it's not – that's not what I meant," Brooke backtracked. "We didn't – I mean, _he_ – and me, too, but not in a together way – just didn't want to do this to you. You don't deserve it."

"But you just couldn't help yourselves? Is that it?" Because those were the same words Brooke had used with Peyton and Lucas so long ago, she couldn't do anything but stare. "God, Brooke. How could you do this to me? I _trusted_ you. I thought we were friends."

"We _are_ friends," she protested.

Haley laughed mirthlessly as she stood up. "No, Brooke," she said, the words ringing with finality. "I don't think we are."

XXX

Nathan was pleasantly surprised to be yanked into an empty classroom as he passed by the open door. He didn't even have to see her to know that it was Brooke's fingers wrapping around his wrist, making the pulse she found there beat a little faster.

"Finally," he commented, a smile spreading across his lips before he registered her expression.

Brooke looked like hell – a first in the several years that he'd known her. Her pallor was ashen, her eyes bloodshot and puffy. "What happened?" he asked, his mind automatically going to the worst case scenario. "Is Luke okay?"

"I told Haley," is her response.

Nathan's heart stopped. "You what?"

"I told her." She nodded slowly, almost to herself. "I told her everything."

"Brooke." He started to take her by the shoulders, but seemed to rethink the decision halfway through so that his hands hovered uncertainly over her skin. "Are you serious? Did you actually go to my wife and tell her that we – that we were together?"

"I didn't do it so we could be together," Brooke bristled, all too aware of the distance he was keeping between them. "I did it to wipe the slate clean. So we could start fresh – all of us, not you and me."

"But …" He shook his head, unable to wrap his mind around her words. "Okay, I don't understand what you were going for, then. You don't want to be with me. But you don't want me to be with Haley, if you told her I cheated. So … what do you want?"

That seemed to throw her off. Brooke frowned, then pressed her lips into a straight line. Both of these things still made him want to kiss her just as much as seeing her smile did, so at least he knew where he stood.

"I just …" Brooke finally spoke, her voice scratchy over unshed tears. "I just want things to go back to normal. I don't' want Haley to hate me. But I don't want you to love her."

"Well, Brooke, that's just great," Nathan replied, his tone harder than it had ever been with her before. "As usual, you don't know what you want and I'm stuck dealing with it. Can you do me a favor? Just once, for once in our lives, could you maybe _think _before you go ahead and ruin everything for everyone? Could you not be so goddamn stubborn?"

Brooke blanched at the harsh words. "I wasn't trying to ruin _anything_," she argued. "I was trying to make things right. It would be worse to lie to her, Nathan. Trust me, I speak from experience."

"Oh, yes, that's right," he said, raising his arms in exasperation. "How could I forget? Brooke 'once bitten, twice shy' Davis. God forbid that you even consider moving on from what Peyton and Lucas did to you last friggen year."

"And yesterday," she put in, so softly that he almost didn't hear.

"God forbid that you –" Her words sank in. "What?"

"Peyton kissed Lucas again yesterday," Brooke explained. She was eerily calm in relaying the news. "Don't you get it, Nate? None of us are happy. None of us have what we want and we're all lying to each other. That's not _normal_."

"That's _high school_," he shot back. Frustrated, he took a minute to rub tiredly at his eyes before heaving a sigh. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry about Luke and Peyton."

"It didn't hurt me." She shrugged a shoulder, looking almost wistful. "My life would probably be a lot simpler if who my supposed boyfriend was kissing mattered, but … it doesn't. I just … I can't believe it's been a whole year and I'm still stuck in this stupid cycle, you know? I don't want to be the third leg in some bizarre love triangle anymore. When I told Haley about … us, I was just trying to make a fresh start. I don't want to lie about how I feel anymore."

Nathan considered this carefully. "And how do you feel?"

Brooke met his eyes steadily. "Like I'm head over heels in love with you." A beat. "You idiot."

At that, a grin broke out on his face, big enough to make her forget everything she'd been struggling with in the past several months. "Well, it took you long enough," he drawled out, but anything else he might have said was cut off by the sound of someone clearing their throat at the door.

"Nathan." Haley stood framed in the threshold, her arms crossed, her eyes narrowed and disbelieving. "We need to talk."


	18. When It Isn't Like It Used To Be

Wow, guys, thanks so much for all the reviews! Um, more than one of you mentioned Haley being pregnant – I definitely didn't think of that! Sorry, but probably not in this fic – maybe next time! Hope this chapter is still enjoyable, and thank you to everyone who continues to read!

**When It Isn't Like It Used To Be**

Brooke cleared out with a swiftness that Nathan would have admired, if it didn't leave him alone and facing off with the girl who wore his wedding ring and this look of utter fury on her face. The classroom seemed to shrink into itself, the walls not wide enough to contain the force of Haley's hurt and Nathan's regret.

"So, it's true, then?"

Her question hung awkwardly in the air. He didn't know how to respond – she'd practically just caught them in the act, so she had to know that Brooke hadn't been lying. But how could he look her in the eyes and confirm the fact that he no longer loved her the way he'd promised to forever?

"Nathan –" She took a step towards him and he instinctively moved back. Haley froze, her face crumpling. "Oh."

"I'm sorry," he said automatically, inching forward again, trying to erase the damage done. "It's not you, I'm sorry, it's –"

"It's Brooke," she cut in, taking the sentence in a different direction than he'd intended. "It's not me anymore. It's Brooke."

He stared. Then he swallowed, hard, and bit the bullet. "Yeah. Yes, it is."

"You love her."

It wasn't a question, but he nodded anyway. "I do."

"And you …" She looked pained but, to her credit, forged on. "You don't love me."

"That's not true," he protested. "Of course I do. I always will. But I can't – it's just … I don't know what to do here. I'm not the same. You're not the same."

"And Brooke's not the same." It wasn't an insult. To prove it, Haley gave him half a smile. "It's obvious how much she's grown up. A year ago, she would have slept with you, sure. But she wouldn't have told me, because I didn't matter one way or the other. And a year ago, she definitely wouldn't have fallen in love with you. She didn't know how."

"I know." He wasn't aware of the light that danced in his eyes at the mere mention of Brooke being in love with him, but Haley saw it. "She's changed, that's for sure. Hales … she wasn't trying to hurt you. I can promise you that. She's been the one telling me that we should end it, just forget it. She wanted _us_ to be happy, you and me."

"But we won't be," Haley concluded.

Nathan faltered. "We – we were. For a while. Right? I mean, I was. You turned my life around, Haley. You made me a better person."

"But?"

"But I don't … okay. If you want honesty, total honesty, then, yes, we could be happy together. I could apologize for everything with Brooke and you could forgive me and we could stay married for another twenty five years." Nathan met her eyes and held the stare. "But a tiny little part of me would never be satisfied, you know? And I think you feel the same."

"I don't want anyone else," she was quick to respond.

"No. But you want _something_ else. Something more." Nathan rocked back on his heels. "You gave our marriage up to follow your music, Haley. And I was mat – no, I was _furious_ – about that. I didn't understand how anything could be more important than me and you. And then Brooke and I started hanging out and I found something that I really, truly loved. I can see why you left now. It's because every day that went by without playing, without singing, a little bit of you got more miserable."

"And that's how you feel when you're not with Brooke," Haley finished for him.

Nathan nodded. "That's how I feel."

She couldn't have said how she felt. She was doing her best to remain as calm as he was, but her entire body shook with the effort. Her marriage was ending and she was just letting it happen. At least if he had been cruel about it, or if Brooke had been some vapid, mindless cheerleader offering sex with no strings, at least then Haley could have been justified in falling apart.

But this, this calm, precise explanation of all the things he didn't feel (worse, felt for someone _else_) was ripping her apart and she just had to take it. How could she keep him tied to her when he so obviously wanted to be free?

"Okay, then." With trembling fingers, Haley pulled her ring off and offered it to him, a glinting gold olive branch. "This belongs to you, I guess."

"That's yours," he refused, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "I want you to have it. I know it's … I know it's a symbol of a lot of things I can't give you, but it also just means … that I love you."

Haley half-laughed, half-sobbed as she closed her palm around the metal band. "I love you, too," she said, and she'd never thought those words could sound so much like an ending.

XXX

Lucas was silent for a long time after Brooke had finished talking.

"Luke?" she finally prompted, trying to gauge his reaction. "You okay? Oh, God, does your heart hurt again? I knew I shouldn't have said anything, it's too soon –"

"You're so paranoid," he interrupted dryly, cracking a smile. "I'm not an invalid. I'm just … digesting. That was quite a story, you know."

She glanced down at her lap, ashamed. "I know. I'm so sorry, Luke, for everything … for leading you on, and lying to you –"

"You never lied to me," he assured her. "I only let myself hear what I wanted to hear. Guess someone's stubbornness has rubbed off on me."

She smiled, tentatively, but her guilt hadn't faded yet. "But I should have just been honest from the start and told you I wasn't sure. Instead, I had to go and say I'd be your girlfriend and let you believe everything was fine."

"Hey." He lifted her chin with his fingers so their eyes met. "You're not the only one who let people believe a lie. I could've been more honest about everything that happened this summer, too."

"True." She brought her hand to his wrist, pressing her cheek into his palm. "A little warning would have been nice before you just fell on your ass in front of half the school."

"Hey, watch it, Davis," he laughed, brushing her hair behind her ear before letting the contact drop. "I'm still fragile, you know."

Brooke's giggled trailed off. "You know, speaking of fragile … Haley will probably show up here sooner or later. I mean, if things with her and Nathan are … on hold, she might need a place to stay. I was thinking I should pack some stuff, maybe go stay with Peyton."

Lucas raised an eyebrow. "You're not mad at Peyton?"

"Did you not hear a word of my story?" she tossed back. "Glass houses and stones and all that. I was never mad at Peyton – or you – I was just … disappointed, I guess. That we still weren't being honest. But now, everything's out in the open and despite the fallout … I think it's a little better. Don't you?"

"Oh, actually, there's one more thing." Lucas snapped his fingers, as if just remembering. "I forget to tell you I'm madly in love with Jake. And he's on the run because Mouth went into a jealous rage when he found out I was Jenny's birth mother."

Brooke laughed, just as he'd intended. "Well, is _that_ everything, you slut?"

He pretended to think. "I guess so. You are now the keeper of all my secrets, Brooke Davis. Guard them with your life."

Her eyes sparkled at him and he realized exactly what had been missing in her since his return. How could he not have seen it before? "I feel like you're yourself again, Brooke," he murmured, studying the way she seemed to shine. "I'm happy for you."

"Really?" Laughter bubbled from her throat. "I feel like I'm someone else completely. But in a good way."

He chuckled with her, then fell quiet. "So you're really gonna move out on me, huh?"

"I think Haley could use her best friend right about now," she said. "Besides, it's about time I stopped relying on you and Karen, don't you think? I can stand on my own two feet."

"But where are you going to live?" he pressed.

Brooke smiled, glimmering with the confidence she'd always possessed. "I'll find a place," she declared. She was thinking of Nathan's smile, the way his hands curved around her hip in sleep, how nicely she fit in the crook of his shoulder. "I always do."


	19. Everyday Is a Sunday Evening

**Everyday Is a Sunday Evening**

"I told Haley."

It seemed to Brooke that her entire life, all seventeen years of changing and growing and changing again, could suddenly be summed up with those three words. She was no longer a daughter or friend, no longer a cheerleader, and definitely not someone who was scared of spiders and preferred champagne over beer. From here on out, she would only be known as The Girl Who Told Haley.

"Told Haley … what?" Peyton looked blank for all of five seconds, then her eyes went big and round. "Oh. Oh, Brooke."

Brooke lifted her hands and let them drop again, as if that explained everything. "I know."

"Oh, Brooke," Peyton said again – because, really, what else could she say? "Did it … how did it go?"

For maybe the third time in their lifelong friendship, Peyton watched as Brooke slowly broke down. It started with a trembling of the chin, then a long, deep sigh, and finally, the tears that had welled up in her eyes began to overflow.

"Okay, don't cry," Peyton counseled immediately, stepping out onto the porch to wrap her arms around Brooke's shoulders. "Just breathe, okay? Tell me what happened."

"She was so hurt," Brooke choked out, sinking down on the porch steps and tugging her knees up to her chest. "Her eyes – she just – Peyt, if looks could kill, I'd be dead and buried. I've never seen Haley look like that before."

"You caught her off guard," Peyton was quick to rationalize. "And, let's face it, anger is a pretty natural reaction. But give it time. She'll calm down and everything will get back to normal."

Brooke shook her head, thinking back to the face-off she'd left Nathan and Haley having earlier that day. "I don't know, Peyton. I think that he's honest-to-God ending things with her. And she's going to blame me – rightfully, I guess. And then … I really don't know what we're all going to do."

"Brooke, it's not the end of the world. I mean –" And here, Peyton paused to nudge her friend's shoulder. "Look at us. We're living proof that people can come back from things like this. Even after everything that happened with Lucas, we're still friends."

"_Best_ friends," Brooke corrected, giving her a tiny smile.

"Exactly." Peyton looked relieved that her mistake with Lucas in the hospital wasn't going to be held against her.

"And speaking of Lucas," Brooke began.

Peyton tensed.

"Why haven't you been to see him at home yet?" she finished. It was her turn to give her friend a much-needed nudge. "He's gonna be pretty lonely once I move out."

"You're moving out?" Her mind hurried to keep up. "And you're okay with me seeing him again?"

"Peyton, I already told you." Brooke's voice was tinged with affectionate exasperation. "You've got to go after what you want. You've got a real chance with Luke, so take it."

Peyton arched one eyebrow, a trick she'd learned from the brunette. "Shouldn't you be leading by example and going after Nathan?"

Brooke blew out a breath and looked away. "I think I took a big enough chance with my true confessions moment. I'm gonna lay low for awhile. When Nathan's ready – _if_ he's ready … he'll know where to find me."

"But …" She was confused. "You're leaving Luke's. How's he going to know where to find you?"

"Oh, he'll know," Brooke said, so confidently that Peyton had no choice but to believe her.

XXX

Meanwhile, Luca was entertaining a visitor of his own. Nathan was currently pacing the length of his bedroom at such a frightening pace that Lucas was beginning to get dizzy.

"Hey, man," he interrupted, when he felt it had gone on long enough. "Do you mind standing in one spot for just a minute? You're giving me a headache."

"Sorry," was Nathan's absent-minded reply. "It's just … what do I _do_, man?"

"Seems to like you've already done it," Lucas answered. He wasn't being sarcastic – Nathan had already relayed to him the conversation with Haley, the agreement they'd reached that they both wanted different things. What else could Nate do but pick up the pieces and start again without his wife?

"But it feels like … like it's not over, you know?" Nathan scratched his head, at a loss for how to explain the empty feeling that still resided deep in his gut. "I mean, Brooke finally told me she's in love with me, I finally told Haley about everything that happened this summer between me and her, but … but it's not _finished_, you know?"

"Well, getting divorced is a long process," Lucas said logically. "It's gonna be awhile before everything's official."

"No, no, that's not what I mean," his brother murmured. "I mean, like … I don't know. I feel _bad_. I hated hurting Haley. I really, - I mean, really – felt awful. Her face, when I told her … it just ate me up inside, man."

Lucas was quiet for a minute, gathering his thoughts. "I think that just means that you really did love her, Nate. You love her and you want what's best for her and just because you know now that you're not meant to be together, it doesn't make you care for her any less. And it doesn't make you a bad person, either, that you were the one to say it."

"You think?" Exhausted, Nathan dropped into the desk chair. "Because I do feel like a bad person. I mean, we could've made it work, I told her that. I just … wouldn't have been happy."

"She wouldn't have been happy, either." This, Lucas could say with absolute certainty. Though he knew his brother and his best friend had helped each other, changed each other, at one point in their lives, he also knew they were far beyond that point now. "When Haley left this summer to do her music, she knew that there was a chance you might not be here when she came back. But she went anyway. I'm not blaming her for that or anything, I just … I think you need to realize that you weren't the only one wishing for more."

"I know." With a sigh, Nathan dragged a hand through his hair. "I know. And I said the same thing to her – we want different things. I just think it's gotta be harder for her, because what I want is another person. You know? I mean, I was pretty jealous of music when she got on that stupid bus. I can't imagine how I would've felt if she'd been there for Chris or some other guy."

"Look," Lucas said patiently. "I think the only way you're gonna feel like this is resolved is if you leave, go back to your apartment, and hammer out the details with Haley. I mean, the two of you have a lot to consider – who's keeping what, who's living where …"

"She can have anything she wants," Nathan said automatically – a bold statement, considering he was by far the richer of the pair. "I don't care about any of that stuff."

Lucas studied him for a long moment. "You really have become a decent guy, Nate. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm proud to call you my brother."

"Yeah, yeah," Nathan grumbled, but he shot him a grin. "Wish I could say the same thing, you pansy. Look at you, with your hospital bracelet still on your wrist. Why don't you man up, huh?"

"Get out of here," Lucas laughed, not offended in the least. "Oh, wait, and Nate? I've got one more thing for you to do to get some closure."

Nathan paused at the doorway. "What's that?"

"Find Brooke," Lucas advised. "Once you've gotten everything straightened out with Haley. I know she told you how she feels and you think that basically settles everything, but she's gonna want to be reassured that you feel the same way."

Nathan frowned. "What do you mean? I've been telling her that for months."

"Oh, to be young and naïve again," Lucas said with a roll of his eyes. "You have so much to learn. With Brooke, trust me, you can never say it enough."

Nathan thought of how many times he'd argued with Brooke, how much frustration and exasperation and downright anger she could cause him, and then he grinned. Despite everything, there wasn't a doubt in his mind that he loved her – and he didn't want there to be a doubt in hers. "You're right," he told his brother, "I _can't_ say it enough."


	20. Over the Hills and Far Away

Hey, guys, sorry this one took so long! I wanted to give Haley a proper goodbye, but I also don't really enjoy writing her (I think the character is boring, to be honest) so it took some time. Hope you enjoy, look for the last chapter soon!

**Over the Hills and Far Away**

Haley let herself into the apartment as usual, then stopped in her tracks.

Had Nathan and Brooke been together here? In the home she had lived in, unaware, for months? Had he invited her over, cooked her dinner, wound his fingers through her hair while they watched TV? Had Brooke Davis slept with her husband in her own bed, the sheets she'd picked out from the clearance rack of Linens and Things?

No. She had to stop thinking about it.

With a sigh, Haley made her way to the bedroom and began to pack her belongings. Legally, she didn't have to go anywhere. The apartment was equally hers and Nathan's, and something told her that he would have no qualms about letting her keep it. But she knew, deep down, that she had to leave. This wasn't where she belonged anymore.

"Haley." She froze at the sound of his voice behind her, the unexpected way her heart still skipped a beat at the way he said her name. "What are you doing? You don't have to leave."

A part of her wished he was saying it because he didn't want her to go. He had changed his mind and he loved her, only her, always her. But it was only a small part of her heart, the most wishful-thinking corner of her brain. As much as she still loved him, she could never live with someone who didn't love her back.

"Yes, I do," she said, turning to face him. She tried not to think about the last time she'd said those words and how it had all fallen apart. "This isn't my home, Nathan. Not now."

He looked … wounded, she decided. As if _she_ was the one hurting _him_. "But we bought this place together," he protested. "It's not fair that I keep it."

She almost laughed at him then. She knew Nathan was just trying to do the right thing, something he'd struggled with since the day they met. But could he even hear himself? Offering her the apartment as a consolation prize for the fact that he'd gone back on his promise of always and forever? An apartment that would always remind her, with every creak of the wood and utility bill addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Scott, the life they'd carved out for themselves?

"It doesn't have to be fair, Nate." She had to clear her throat twice before she could speak, but at least the words were out there. "It just … it has to be over. Don't you get that? I can't stay here, thinking about everything that could have been. It has to be over."

He was silent for a long moment, and then, jaw clenched, he nodded. "Where are you going?"

"I called Chris," she said, taking careful note of how mentioning the boy's name no longer had any effect on Nathan. It hurt, more than she wanted to admit, that he had moved on so completely. "He said there's still room for me on tour."

Nathan offered her a small smile, hoping his relief didn't show outwardly. "I'm glad. You deserve the chance to follow your dreams."

"Yeah." Haley wanted to tell him that a life with him had been her greatest dream, but she wasn't sure the words were even true. She'd left first, after all, so who was she to claim that music wasn't as important to her as he was? "I guess … I mean, I hope … things will work out, you know? Just … not like I'd expected."

"Different doesn't mean bad," Nathan told her and, not for the first time, she realized how much he really had changed. His ring finger was conspicuously free of the gold band she herself had placed on it. "We'll stay friends, right, Hales?"

She forced herself to smile, to push the words past the lump in her throat. "Always and forever."

XXX

Haley approached Lucas' house resolutely, trying to memorize every detail – the tree in the front yard they'd spent hours climbing, the welcome mat faded from years of feet tramping in and out, the cheerful flower pot on the doorstep that shielded the spare key from view. This was more than just the place her best friend lived; it was where she herself had grown up.

Just as she laid her fingers on the front doorknob, it swung open, revealing Brooke Davis on the other side. "Oh!"

Haley stared, sure that the other girl's surprised expression was mirrored in her own. An awkward silence ensued, neither of them wanting to make the first move.

Finally, Brooke spoke. "I was just leaving, so …"

She trailed off, casting her eyes downward as she eased her way around Haley. Frozen in place, Haley, too, fixed her gaze on Peyton's porch as she shifted on the stairs to allow Brooke room to pass. Still, their shoulders bumped – a slight jolt to both their systems.

Brooke hesitated. "Haley …"

At the same time, Haley shook herself out of her daze. "Wait, Brooke –"

They both stopped. Another long minute ticked by.

Brooke chuckled, a little weakly. "Sorry. Go ahead."

"You don't have to leave." Haley sighed and took another second to collect her thoughts. "_I'm_ leaving. You don't have to go anywhere."

"No, please, you just got here, Peyton's inside, Luke's home, stay." Brooke protested, the words tumbling out of her mouth all at once. "I really was just on my way out."

"No. No, I'm _leaving_," Haley repeated. "I'm leaving Tree Hill."

Brooke's mouth dropped open. "Haley … you don't have to do that."

"I do." She nodded vehemently. Convincing Nathan had helped to convince herself that it was a very necessary step in the moving on process. "I really do. I want … I want more than what's here for me. I wanted more even when Nathan and I were happy. It's my fault that … that it's taken so long. I should have been honest from the start."

"No, _we_ should have been honest," Brooke argued. "We should have told you everything. I wish it hadn't happened like this."

Haley nodded. "Me, too. But, Brooke … okay." She drew in a breath. "Here's the thing. You've been a good friend to me."

At that, Brooke looked like she wanted to protest, but Haley hurried on. "I know friends don't usually sleep with friend's husbands. But, barring that, you're still the most loyal person I know. Being with Nathan made you happy, the happiest you've ever been, I think, and yet … you were going to give that up and plan our vow renewal and smile the whole time, like your own heart wasn't breaking, and I just … I appreciate that. I really do. And I want you to put that much energy into making _yourself_ happy now. I think you deserve it."

It took a moment for the meaning of Haley's speech to sink in, but when it did, Brooke's smile was a thing of true beauty. "You know, TutorGirl," Brooke said, her eyes glimmering with unshed tears, "You're probably the best person I'll ever meet. I'm really going to miss you."

"I'll miss you, too," Haley replied, surprising even herself with the truth of it. And when Brooke moved closer to wrap her in a hug, Haley found herself stepping into the embrace, returning it, secure in the knowledge that no matter how far she traveled, Brooke would always be willing to close the distance between them.

XXX

Peyton and Lucas were deep in conversation when she entered the boy's bedroom, but neither looked very surprised to see her.

"Hales," Lucas greeted her, still unable to move from his bed, but holding his arms open just the same. "I've been waiting for you to come around."

She smiled faintly, trying to ease the concern in his deep blue eyes. "Things have been a little … crazy. How are you feeling?"

He raised an eyebrow. "I could ask you the same thing."

"I'm … tired," she confessed. Peyton made a sympathetic noise, which Haley did her best to brush off. "No, it's fine, really, I'm just … it's over. And I know that it's for the best. It's just hard right now."

"It'll get easier," Lucas assured her, and she noticed that his fingers were loosely intertwined with Peyton's.

"I'm happy for you," Haley told them both earnestly, gesturing to their joined hands. "Finally figured it out, huh? There's a lot of that going around these days."

Peyton gave her a half smile. "So, what are you going to do now?"

"Well." She hesitated, hating to be the bearer of any kind of bad news when they obviously had cause to celebrate. "I'm sorry to add to your collection, Peyt, but … I'm leaving. I'm going back on tour with Chris for a while. I want to see if I can really make something of my music."

Lucas mulled over this information for a long minute. "You'll come back?"

Haley nodded. "I will."

"Soon?" Peyton's voice was small and hopeful. The corners of her mouth had turned down and her grip on Lucas' fingers had tightened.

"We'll see," Haley told her, moving to enfold them both in her arms. "I'll keep in touch."

"We'll be here," Lucas told her as she moved towards the door. "I mean it, Haley. We'll be here."

She nodded again, signaling that she understood, then left the room and walked away from the house without letting herself look back. She knew, somehow, that no matter how much things changed, how they all grew together and apart and together again, she would always be welcomed back home.


	21. The Show Must Go On

Okay! Sorry this took so long to put up, I had no idea how I wanted to end everything! I hope this way worked out; it's a little fluffy, but hey, Brooke and Nathan deserve it. Enjoy and, as always, don't forget to review!

**The Show Must Go On**

Nathan found her at the beach.

It was a similar scene to the one they'd shared months ago, when he'd first come across her sitting on the sand. To think of it now was like recalling something from a dream – it seemed unreal to him that there had been a time when Brooke Davis played anything but a pivotal role in his life.

"You've been avoiding me," he accused.

Though his approach had been soundless, she didn't so much as blink. "I've been around."

"Not around _me_," he countered. "Haley left."

"So I heard." She was careful to keep her gaze fixed on the horizon. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not." Tired of looking at her back, he moved to sit beside her, leaning back to brace himself on his elbows. The casual pose did nothing to relax his humming nerves. "Look, Brooke, you can't do this to me again, okay?"

She arched an eyebrow. "Do what?"

"This!" Almost instantly, he was sitting up straight again, unable to feign nonchalance with all the thoughts that were swirling madly around his mind. Was she being serious? Could she really not understand what she was doing to him? How did she look so serene when he was falling apart? "This keeping-your-distance thing! Haley is _gone_, okay? There's no one you need to protect."

"Except myself," she interrupted, so quietly he almost didn't hear.

"There's nothing standing in the way of us – wait, what?" He studied her profile, watching closely as she let her eyes flutter shut. "What do you mean by that?"

Brooke inhaled deeply and opened her eyes, though she still didn't turn to face him. "I don't want to piss you off, Nathan, so don't take this the wrong way, but I was just … I was making sure."

"Of what?" He stared at her, incredulous. "Of _me_?"

"Well, it's not exactly unheard of for you to be swept into rash decisions," she defended herself, the insult to his marriage barely veiled. "I just … this summer, everything happened so quickly and then it all blew up in our faces with Haley and I just wanted to give you time. To think things through, without me there, to be sure that … that this is what you want."

Processing this new information, Nathan bent his head and blew out a long breath. "Brooke. You could've saved us both some trouble and just _asked_ me."

She shrugged and chanced a sideways glance at him. "You know me. I just love doing things the hard way."

To her surprise, he chuckled and reached over to lay a comforting hand on hers. "It's part of your charm."

Brooke laughed out loud. "You really do get me," she said, more to herself than to him, her voice tinged with awe.

He nodded, squeezing her palm. "I really do."

She seemed to melt into him slowly: First her shoulders relaxed, then each individual vertebra, so when she finally leaned into him it felt like something he'd earned. "Nathan," she began, settling her head on his shoulder. "I do trust you, you know."

"Could've fooled me," he said dryly, wrapping one arm around her.

She bit her lip to contain the foolishly wide grin that was forming on her lips. "And I really am crazy in love with you."

"Or just crazy," he put in.

"_And_," she continued, playfully nudging him to shut up. "I'm sorry for making it so difficult. I just – you're making a _huge_ decision and everything's changed so much and I Just wanted you to be sure –"

"Made," he interrupted, his tone much more serious.

Brooke paused. "What?"

"I _made_ my decision," he clarified, using the hand that wasn't holding her close to tilt her chin upwards so their eyes met. "It's you, Brooke. Just like I've been saying all along. It's _you_."

She kissed him then, pouncing with such force that he was knocked flat on his back. It was a testament to how glad he was to finally be touching her again that his lips never left hers, even as she tumbled them both to the ground in a tangle of locked limbs.

"Glad we're finally on the same page," Nathan remarked some time later, when they'd pulled slightly apart and were watching the sunset. One of his hands still rested on her knee – he wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to truly separate himself from her again.

"Me, too." Brooke flashed him a smile, bumped his shoulder comfortably. "Wanna get married?"

"Oh, you think you're so funny," he retorted and, quick as a flash, he'd tackled her to the sand again, ignoring her pleas for mercy as his fingers dug into her ribs. Her breathless laughter rose into the air; a perfect soundtrack for the incoming twilight.

XXX

With a grunt, Brooke heaved the last of her suitcases past the threshold and let it fall with a dull thud to the floor. "Okay," she announced. "Done."

"Hardly," Nathan countered, waiting for her to move out of the entranceway. The two large boxes in his arms made it impossible to navigate around her. "You gonna stand in my way all day, or is this just a twenty minute thing?"

"Sorry." She moved aside easily, running one hand down his arm. "Just put those down anywhere, I don't – I don't know where I'm going to put everything yet."

He did as he was told, glad to be rid of the weight. The same couldn't be said for the pressure that seemed to sit heavily on his heart. "You know," he began for the hundredth time since she'd made her decision, well aware that he was coming dangerously close to whining. "I still don't see why you're so set on living here."

"I told you." She glanced around at the familiar foyer. It seemed smaller since the last time she'd stepped inside – or maybe she had just grown. "I don't want to move in with you yet."

"Because you don't want us to make the mistake that Haley and I did," he grumbled. If he was being honest with himself, he could see her point, but the rejection hurt all the same.

"Because," she repeated, stepping closer and winding her arms around his neck. "I need to be on my own for a while."

He knew her reasons; he even understood them. Brooke was far too independent to rely so wholly on him so soon. Of course she would choose to return to her own house, rather than take up residence with him. She was still, and perhaps always would be, protecting herself.

"I get it," he said grudgingly, inclining his head for a quick kiss. "But you know the door's always open if you get lonely. And I do mean _always_. Late at night, early in the morning …"

"You're such a guy," she laughed, shaking her head at the leer he was giving her. "Get your mind out of the gutter and help me unpack, okay?"

"Okay, okay. Hey." He caught her by the wrist as she started to move away. "I love you, you know that?"

She smiled at him; a small, private smile. "I know."

"And when you're ready … when we're _both_ ready," he corrected, thinking fleetingly of how Haley had looked as she tried to hand him back the wedding ring he'd put on her finger. "I'm going to marry you."

"Well, I wouldn't want to break your streak," she replied smoothly.

"Very funny, Davis," he murmured, bringing her knuckles to his lips. "I'm being serious."

She shook her head in disbelief. "You're serious."

"Marry me," he repeated, tugging her close again, his hands going to their natural position at the small of her back. "It took us along time to get here, Brooke. I'm not going to let you go too easily."

"I'm not going anywhere," she assured him.

"You're avoiding the question," he responded.

"Ask me again after graduation," Brooke said, resting her cheek on his chest just above the spot where his heart beat steadily. It had been a long day, a long year. Everything was different. But he was still here, strong and sure, and she didn't doubt that he always would be. "I'll say yes."


End file.
